Denis & Denis Puns

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.

Denis

You can't deny it had a top notch screen.

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

“Why don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

“You think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said “Well if the Foux shits...”

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

They were denied axis.

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said “I am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said “No way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad “You cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked “well, what is it?”

He said “Dave Buttlicker”.

Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

They are dirty cheetahs, and if they deny they are, they are lion

I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."

My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.

Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything.

Me : This isn't a chair.

What do u call a singer that denies the existence of Mars? Bruhno mars

She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."

It causes me to deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no Cure!

They have denied it, and they are sticking to their guns!

I apologize to everyone in the sub about my earlier post. I was trying to make a funny joke, but I spelled the title wrong and couldn't go back. After that, everything spiraled out of control. I thought about deleting it and pretending it never happened, even denying it's very existence, but after a moment of reflection I realized:

There's no use lying over spelled milk.

I tried to deny it, but the writing was on the wall.

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

I tried to deny it, bur the writing was already on the wall

They flat-out deny the possibility!

Throughout his whole life he was just fascinated with trains. Specifically passenger cars. He would enjoy going on trips with his family.

Demitri grew up and decided to make it his career. Unfortunately the difficult life he had from bullies pushed him towards the bottle and turned him to an alcoholic.

One late night in his shift he wrecked the train killing 10 people. When the courts found out he was drunk while operating they charged him with murder and sentenced him to the electric chair. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. When his time came the executioner strapped him to chair and asked for any last words. He simply said, "No." The pulled the lever and to everyone's amazement he was unharmed. The government saw this as an act of God and released him.

Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. Unfortunately bad habits are not easy to quit and he was still an alcoholic. These trains were his only happiness. Unfortunately it happened again. He was drunk and crashed the train this time killing 8 people. He was again sentenced to death by the electric chair. He once again requested a banana. This time executioner really soaked the sponge to not risk a repeat. When the lever was pulled Dimitri was again left unharmed. Once again it was concluded to be another act of God and he was given his freedom.

Dimitri turned to the bottle even more especially having 18 lives gone because of him. He somehow managed to get another job doing what he loved most. It happened again though. This time, 23 people. The courts angry sentenced him one more time to death by electric chair.

When the time for his final meal came he requested another banana. The guards being very visibly upset over the situation denied his request and he was left no last meal. As the time approached and he was strapped to the chair. The executioner had a large grin ready to take this murderous man off Earth. When he pulled the lever however he was still left unharmed.

Furious the executioner cried, "How are you still alive?! You did not eat the banana!"

Dimitri shook his head and simply said, "Oh no officer the banana is not why I'm still alive. It's because I'm a terrible conductor."

But the Japanese still deny the Nan-king massacre.

...but even I can't deny that their latest phone is a 6S.

We were grocery shopping and we're in the canned bean aisle:

Me: do you see any chilly beans? Him: No....they all look pretty warm to me.

I think it's finally time even if he keeps denying it. He's ready

My dad always told this joke when I was a kid and just curious to see if anyone's heard it:

So this piece of rope walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me a whiskey"

Bartender says "we don't serve pieces of rope here, get out!"

so the piece of rope leaves and comes back and this scenario plays out 10 more times.

Finally the piece of rope slinks up to the bar and says "Bartender give me a whiskey!"

the Bartender denies him again and throws him out.

the piece of rope ties himself up, flares out his edges and strides back in one more time and shouts "Bartender give me a whiskey!"

the Bartender says "aren't you that same piece of rope I keep throwing out of here!"

Piece of Rope says "Nope, I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)

A rope is at a bar late at night. He's just getting drunk enough to be annoying, so the bartender asks him to leave. The rope begs and pleads and he eventually, recognizing that it futile, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and cuts off the end of himself and he then tatters the end. He returns to the bar and the bartender vaguely recognizing him, says, "Weren't you in here a little while ago?”

The rope denies it immediately, and responds with an assertive “No.”

The bartender about 75% sure he was in the bar earlier, says “Yeah aren't you the rope?"

The rope says "A frayed knot."

Friend and I were having a rather bizarre discussion online when it jokingly turned into this:

Friend: "Anyone who denies (insert comic character) is a heretic. He's a minor deity."

Me: "Oookay, I'm going to stop you there."

Friend: "Probably a god thing."

(I'm not sure this constitutes a dad joke, but the unintentional pun immediately made me think of you guys. Sorry for any offense!)

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I please finish my sentence?!

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

She keeps denying it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

Everyone denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns...

Man: I th..

Officer: Yes?

Man: The reas..

Officer: Go on.

Man: May I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

I tried to deny it, but the writing was on the wall.