Looks like the Democrats are now the party of โ€œA. Blinken.โ€
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ReepinItReal
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2020
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A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 08 2020
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Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.

The election results have been un-presidented.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 81
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ethanol314
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2020
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Ho ho ho!
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ajfoucault
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 22 2020
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Why did Democratic senators boycott the nomination of the new Supreme Court justice?

They just couldnโ€™t Barrett.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BornOfAVegan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 27 2020
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Did you know the film โ€œSpeedโ€ had no director?

If it had direction, it would be called โ€œVelocityโ€.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Divine_ICBM
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 14 2020
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The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BLT5000
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 21 2020
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Why is โ€œbeefstewโ€ an unsafe password to use?

Because itโ€™s not Stroganoff.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/peytonmi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 07 2020
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There's a term for people like Trump

Evidently not two though

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Meemsouprice
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 09 2020
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I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.

I guess that makes me bifartisan.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ProjectOcoee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 22 2020
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

You get them VERY ANGRY

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sisrael81
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 23 2020
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Trump accused the Democrats of rigging the election and breaking the law.

Joe replied โ€œNever have I ever broken the law, Iโ€™ve always been a-Bidenโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mackstagepass
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 16 2020
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I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/hobo4lifee
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 22 2020
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What do snowmen call their offspring?

Chill-dren

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 189
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/90eight
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 14 2020
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What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gambitK9
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13 2020
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Dude 1: โ€œHey bro?โ€ Dude 2: โ€œYeah bro?โ€ Dude 1: โ€œCan you hand me that pamphlet?โ€

Dude 2: โ€œBrochureโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/reditrewrite
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 25 2020
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How does Jesus make his Coffee?

Hebrews it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 587
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/icemage27
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 07 2020
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A man went to the doctorโ€™s and told him, โ€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.โ€

He said, โ€œWow, thatโ€™s the worst case of parking sonโ€™s disease Iโ€™ve ever seen.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cyclopropagative
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 17 2020
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by Renรฉ Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bearfeedmitch
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 05 2020
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Why do Libras always vote for Democratic candidates?

Theyโ€™re all Libra-rals

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mercolorecords
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 20 2020
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My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 22 2020
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My grandma is 80% Irish.

People call her Iris.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 372
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 30 2020
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Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didnโ€™t planet.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 570
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cinnamontoastcrunch2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 24 2020
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My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

Atleast that's what she said in her diary.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/__teju
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 13 2020
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After a heated argument, my kid shouted โ€œJim Morrison was overratedโ€

Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/catmom81519
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 30 2020
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British people be like I'm bri ish

It's because they drank the t

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 151
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sss69sss
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 31 2020
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NASCAR bans the confederate flag?

Finally a turn in the right direction.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mattzlo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11 2020
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My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I donโ€™t understand how she can feel that way.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 135
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rafwaf123
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13 2020
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What is the angriest nut?

Pissed-aschios.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 150
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Heywood_Jablwme
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 24 2020
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!

He just stands there applauding and saying โ€œOoh, I love how smooth it isโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 473
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FlintTheDad
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2020
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I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there's a salad dressing

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 214
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/laserspewpew_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 19 2020
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I was told that my dad was pronounced dead

I canโ€™t believe Iโ€™ve been saying it wrong my whole life

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 195
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AlabamaMayan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2020
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How many hands am I holding up?

If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc

Say โ€œah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?

Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.

The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.

โ€œ4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MuskIsAlien
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13 2020
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I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 296
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/xjimmiechandelier
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 01 2020
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What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?

There were repercussions.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 187
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/GrayingMantis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2020
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What kind of pet likes hiking and democratic socialism?

Bernieโ€™s mountain dog!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/strictlybalrogs
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 15 2020
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What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?

Scissor me timbers!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 102
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/huntingclue47
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 09 2020
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Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...

Bartender says, โ€œThat will be $20.20.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 298
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Parkwad
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 27 2020
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If Joe biden becomes president,

the white house will become forbiden

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/baalbaking58
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 10 2020
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How does a democrat apply lotion?

By applying a liberal amount.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheLonelyKerbal
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 25 2020
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It wasnโ€™t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 208
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 24 2020
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What do you call paper you canโ€™t trust?

A sketch pad

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 125
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/manwhosoldtheworld55
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2020
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I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.

It was trivial per suit.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PythagorasJones
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2020
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In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote

What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?

Will you pass the bill already?!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/moose_da_goose
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2019
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What do you call a bunch of Democrats in a pit?

An asshole.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/GezzRoll
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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