Judith Light versus Judith Dark
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2022
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One time I sat outside all night wondering what the reason was that it's always dark all night and light all day.

Then it dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulvs88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2022
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What do you call a Force user whose light during the day and dark at night?

Mace Window

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DracoRaknar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2021
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I have a really dark joke about light waves changing speeds and direction!

[refracted]

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huxm_luxl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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We work in the dark to serve the light

Assassins?

No, electricians.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mau230404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Was working under the sink in the dark, and my wife asked if I needed a light.

I told her no thanks, I don't smoke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nkillgore
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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If light rain stops will it get dark out?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?

Called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspChef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...

Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat_mummy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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I just saw the other side of myself

It took a two mirrors and an hour of setup, but I finally did it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayFlitz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2022
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So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said β€œI’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said β€œWhat are you going to do now?” ...

β€œOh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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What did God say after he separated the light from the darkness?

I think I'll call it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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I keep missing my ex-wife.

....but my aim is getting better.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2022
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Are several light bulbs considered a light bulk?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHodenkobold123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2022
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So today someone broke into my house and stole my light bulbs.

I was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicBruhBoy12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
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Why is β€œdark” spelled with a β€œk” and not a β€œc”?

Because you can’t C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damememer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2022
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Wife: WTF is this pile of clothes doing on the floor?

Me: I struck down a Jedi

Wife: God, I hate you

Me: Yes, use your hate

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2022
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To the person who stole all my lightbulbs,

I'm now delighted...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iShitSkittles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2022
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The joke that got me arrested. I got pulled over by the police. When he got to my window he asked me if I knew why he pulled me over. I said "You wanted to ask me to the (city-name) Police Ball charity event?".

With a confused but serious look the officer replied "The (city-name) Police Department doesn't have any balls sir". After my brief chuckle he used the force to arrest me. Not the light force or the dark force. He used excessive force. The light sabers are black and made of wood but they really hurt. The force was strong with that one.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2022
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Why did historians used to refer to the middle ages as the "dark ages"?

Because there were so many knights.

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OvidPerl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2022
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A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdiggity5590
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2022
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I was up super early this morning and I started wondering what time the sun would rise

Then it dawned on me

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dobraf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2021
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how did midevil soldiers see in the dark?

Knight vision

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacify-the-dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
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I asked my son if he could find out on reddit what to do if a street lamp falls down in your road

But he said redditors don't like reposting.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2022
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A friend of mine named his dog β€œ5 Miles” so he could tell everyone that he walks 5 Miles everyday.

But today he ran over 5 Miles.

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SachanohCosey
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2022
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Someone stole all my lamps. You'd think I'd be upset...

...but I'm actually delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzmore
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
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It doesn't matter if you're tall or short, thin or fat, rich or poor.....

At the end of the day.....It's night.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do cicadas sound louder at certain times of day?

Cicadian rhythms

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awcmonrly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
🚨︎ report
''I'll have a light breakfast.''

''What are you? A plant?''

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Puppy-Zwolle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2022
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I want to make a new dark religious organization…

…But I fear it might be diffi-β€œCult”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What does a policeman use to arrest allergies?

Hand-coughs.

(Brought to you by my 7-year old, proudly raised in the tradition of dad jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilytaege
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2022
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Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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In college, I was so broke that I couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 425
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad/programmer joke combo

I am a software engineer, and our project manager asked why she was always the only one with her camera on in meetings. I said well I am in a dark and messy room so I would rather not share that state. She queried why my room was dark, and I said "because bugs are attracted to light"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/W1TBL1TZ
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2022
🚨︎ report
I came home the other day and found out that all the bulbs in my house have been stolen...

I was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 864
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiroccoTheDawn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
🚨︎ report
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?

He called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, β€œwhat are you going to do now?”

God said, β€œI think I’m going to call it a day.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset, but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 580
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koolvin88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is dark written with a K not a C?

Because you can't C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Mechatronix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house

They snuck from their beds in the middle of the night and met in the gloomy darkness in front of the house, shivering in the cold.

The first boy said in a loud whisper, "You guys bring anything?" He slid a gun out of his pocket. The second boy nodded and revealed a knife. The third boy pulled out a flashlight.

"You didn't bring a weapon?" the first boy asked. He shrugged and replied, "Sorry". And as if to prove it, he turned his pockets out to show nothing but stray lint and a pack of cough drops.

They crept in. The door shut behind them. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. The flash light clicked on. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door on the other side, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a dead body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They found a fully set, ornate dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal goblets, pitchers and silverware adorned the table. Spiders crept over ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hel

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
🚨︎ report

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