I didn't think.
There wasn't any time.
As I stepped onto the side of the arena wall, I felt myself get yanked back by my collar. I tumbled back onto the floor of the stands and looked up to see Headmaster Norah standing above me, her steely gaze piercing me like daggers.
"What were you thinking?" She asked.
"I've got to do something!"
"You're in no condition," she said coldly. "The plan is for us headmasters to keep it contained within the arena via seven-pronged barrier until the spectators have had time to escape. We will handle the monster then. If you want to help, then make sure our guests leave safely."
"Not a chance," I growled as I got to my feet.
"And what is it you think you can do?" She snapped at me.
"More than nothing," I answered before vaulting over the side and plummeting into the arena. She started yelling something at me but Edwin's voice boomed all around us as I landed and rolled with my momentum the way Fena had.
"Everyone remain calm. Please leave the stadium at the designated exits in an orderly fashion. I assure you, the beast will be contained until you're at a safe distance, and then dealt with by Galgia's most powerful mages. You are one hundred percent safe."
But that didn't account for everyone. Her screaming was making my stomach turn. I stared up at the beast– it was even larger than I'd thought. Tovin was still frozen in place on the ground as he watched the spectacle play out before him. I gritted my teeth and hurried toward him– I was going to need his help.
"Get up!!" I screamed as I picked him up by his arms. He found his feet beneath him and turned to see me staring him dead in the eyes. "Get it together!! I'm gonna need you for this!"
"Y-you fool!" He shot back. "What can we do against something like that??"
"Can you cast that spell again?" I yelled.
"W-what?"
"THAT SPELL!! THE BEAM!! CAN YOU CAST IT??"
He stared at me for a second before nodding, "Yes. Yes, I can cast it one more time. But it won't be enough for something of this caliber, you half-wit!"
"Through the eye," I asserted. "Its eyes are probably soft. Could you do it?"
"... Yes, but I'd have to get close."
"I'll distract it!" I yelled. "When all four of its eyes are on me, take it down!"
He stared at me for several seconds before I grabbed him by his shoulders, "TOVIN!! ARE YOU NUMBER ONE OR NOT??"
"ALRIGHT!!" He screamed back, slapping my hands away. "Alright. If you give me the opening... I'll try."
I didn't waste another sec
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
LINKS - Chapter 3 - Windhill Ranch
*Super Excited to have chapter 3 done. Really looking forward to showing more of Azee's journey. Hope you all enjoy. :) Comments are always helpful and appreciated.*
Azee grimaced as she curled her legs up under her to try and cushion the painful bouncing of the cart. The road leading out of Lillyvale was poorly maintained at the best of times, and with the rain and cold of the winter just passed, the compacted dirt was rough and bumpy. The chain attached to her collar jangled constantly, the harsh noise loud and grating in her ears. The carriage that Master Luke would take into town was far smoother and more comfortable. Even in the back, where the law demanded she ride, there had been folded blankets, or at least a layer of straw.
“Are you alright back there?” Eolise asked, looking over her shoulder at Azee as the cart bounced towards the edge of town.
Despite her discomfort, Azee nodded. “I am fine, thank you ma’am.”
As Eloise turned back to driving, Azee couldn’t help but reach up and touch her collar. Despite being closer to freedom than she had ever been before, and despite the fog that had clouded her mind for months being lifted, the collar felt heavier than it ever had before.
The wheels bumped and rattled as the cart began making its way across the rickety wooden bridge that led westward out of the town. Azee leaned over the side and peered into the water below. The light of the setting sun cast streaks of blazing red and orange upon the dark surface of the river. Pitch black shadows, cast by the trees on the bank, stretched across the water like the grasping hands of evil spirits. Her breath caught in her throat, and her whole body tensed at the sight of the water, as it did every time.
“You know, you’re very well spoken for a slave.” Eloise commented as the cart finished crossing the bridge and continued rattling its way down the narrow dirt road.
“In fact, you speak better than half of the people in the town, and far better than any of the drunks that visit the Old Crow.”
“Th-thank you ma’am.”
“I take it your Master taught you that?”
“Yes ma’am, Master Luke thought it was important that I learn.”
“Hmmm, interesting.”
As the cart rattled along the road, Azee’s nose and mouth filled with dust from the straw in the back of the cart. Her throat was dry, and her tongue felt as if it were covered in hair. She coughed, trying to clear the dust, but it was little more than dry wheezing. Panic
... keep reading on reddit ➡The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
I've lived in the Twin Cities area my entire life, but I'm just learning about this cold case now (my focus is usually Doe cases)
https://www.twincities.com/2021/10/29/new-10k-reward-in-st-paul-unsolved-homicide-of-teen-from-50-years-ago-never-a-wrong-time-to-do-the-right-thing-family-says/
Because Pioneer Press has an absolutely unforgiving paywall:
Bob Hamburge should have been joining his Cretin High School 50th reunion this fall — the gathering delayed a year because of the pandemic. But instead, some of his classmates were thinking of a way to still find answers for him and his family.
It was 50 years ago that Hamburge was killed in St. Paul when he was a 19-year-old University of Minnesota student.
Now, with a $10,000 reward fund raised by his high school classmates and police taking another look at the homicide, Hamburge’s friends and family are hoping to bring closure to the cold case.
“We certainly understand this is somewhat of the needle in the haystack, as far as getting information, but there’s never a wrong time to do the right thing,” his brother, Mark Hamburge, said Friday.
Ed Cleary, a high school classmate of Hamburge’s and retired Minnesota Court of Appeals chief judge, said because so many years have passed, the person or people behind Bob Hamburge’s homicide may have died — but that doesn’t mean others don’t know what happened. People with credible information could be eligible for a monetary reward, Hamburge’s classmates said.
After reading a Pioneer Press article in August about Hamburge’s homicide, and his siblings who have dealt with the aftermath for 50 years, Annette Whaley asked her husband, John Whaley, if he thought a reward could shed new light on the case. Both Whaleys went to Holy Spirit Elementary in St. Paul with Bob Hamburge, and John was in his class at Cretin High School (now Cretin-Derham Hall).
JUSTICE FUND
Whaley and four of his Cretin classmates — Dave Ayers, Cleary, Mike Donnelly and David Eggenberger — took up the cause of promoting the Robert Hamburge Justice Fund at their high school reunion
There were 20 to 25 people who contributed to the fund from Hamburge’s class, along with people from Mark Hamburge’s Cretin class who are a year younger.
In making the announcement Friday, Hamburge’s relatives brought along mementos from his life. A Snoopy stuffed animal, which was the 10th birthday gift that Bob Hamburge gave his sister, Therese Celine Bartlett, the night before he was
... keep reading on reddit ➡The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Amy
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
