Feel free to choose whichever title is sparking more joy because this shit in my refrigerator currently isn't, I can tell you that much.
I don't know what or even if I was thinking when I bought all this. I don't. But I, a single man, am the proud owner of 5 rolls of Pillsbury crescent dough and roughly 1.66 pounds (0.75kg) of "smoked" "gouda" "cheese" that the packaging would like me to let you know is rich and creamy with a smooth buttery flavor and subtle smoky notes, perfect for melting. It insists it's the real thing, but, y'all, I'm gonna be real with you: it is school bus motherfuckin' yellow. I remember it looking a little light in the store and talking myself out of it somehow, but this is not "a little light." This is nature coloring herself to prevent being eaten. I've yet to open it, but it definitely feels like cheese if that helps??
I own this, condiments, questionably-edible prepackaged frozen meals, some pizza rolls and an assortment of beverages, many of which are alcoholic. Did I mention I was single?
Oh, and I also have a whole bunch of disgusting Activia yogurt that I bought that same trip because I decided I was going to be healthy or some shit and a trip down the vegetable aisle was apparently more than I could handle.
I am a somewhat competent if begrudging cook and will happily go shopping for things to add to this, but please advise on what the hell I can do with all this besides throw it all in the trash along with my Sam's Club card. Thank you!
