If you are Russian when headed to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thathoeoverthere2019
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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In laughter, the 'L' comes first...

The rest of the letters comes 'aughter' it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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My sister asked "When do my wisdom teeth come in?"

"If they haven't yet, its probably because Amazon shipping has been delayed." I said.

As she was laughing, I shrugged. "I thought that was a good one. I just came to me," I paused, "Probably because I have Prime."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brosengr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2020
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My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"

I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
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What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime Rib!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2020
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A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 112
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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A family is in an amusement park and comes across an animatronic display of Al Gore playing the drums.

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mgrasso75
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.

I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IAMA_SWEET
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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There comes a great dilemma in life of every tomato

To mate or to matter

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pardon_the_panj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
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When will they come to a consensus about snacks in the casino?

When everybody Lay’s their chips on the table.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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How come you never see hippos hiding in trees

Because they’re really good at it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 87
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EpicGamerman42069
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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We’ve come to a fork in the road... don’t know where to go from here..
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Leelanzeyez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
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I come in peas
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/homodemen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2020
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Might come in handy
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum !

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2020
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I was told shoes come in pears

When I bought some they came in a box, guess I was lied to

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cheesy-boi-65
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
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Fortune tellers only come in one size

Mediums

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sq009
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2020
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My wife brought home a parakeet yesterday. When she comes home, she’s in for a surprise because ...

Toucan play at this game.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CombatWombat267
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2020
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What's Irish and comes out in the spring?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘οΈŽ 80
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MessageOnFleasFist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.

I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2020
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Why did I come home to find a police officer in my bed?

They were an undercover cop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 182
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2020
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You go into the bathroom American, and you come out American... What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

I figured we could all use a light hearted chuckle right about now.

Love you all out there and stay well!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/guitarman1103
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
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My dad comes in from mowing the lawn

DAD: "Man, I am dizzy from mowing the lawn"
ME: "Drink some water and lay down, it's hot out there!"
DAD: "Go look at the lawn" wink

He mowed the lawn in a giant circle pattern... The circumferences that man will go for a joke

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Only_Abe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
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I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...

Because their raisin bread.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
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Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
         One says, β€œWe’re saved! We can ask him for directions!” His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
          β€œDoesn’t something seem off to you about this man?” he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
          β€œWhat do you mean?” said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
          β€œI mean we can’t trust a thing he says. He’s a pathological lier.”
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2020
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Got told this one is scouts a long time ago. If you’re Russian when you’re walking in the bathroom and German when you come out, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MPT1313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2020
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Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"

The other responded "Four shore!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedBluemann
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2020
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If you come across a cow in post-apocalyptic times, you'd better not let it go.

That would be a missed steak.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ericn8886
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
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What's Grey And Comes In Pints?

An Elephant

;)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HYGOZE
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
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Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.

Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2019
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Why do EMTs alway come in pairs?

Because they're a pair of medics!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IWalkAwayFromOmelas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2020
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You're 'merican when you go into the bathroom, and 'merican when you come out. But what are you whilst your in there?

Your a 'peeing

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2020
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 365
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2019
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I’m going to need you to come in this weekend
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/originalripley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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In the word Laughter, the letter L comes first

the rest of the letters come aughter it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 588
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/man_nowhere
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2019
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Ron: Harry, come quick! Dumbledore’s been in some sort of accident!

Harry: Oh my god! Was it serious?

Ron: No. it was Snape.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2020
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If you're American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Realistic-Twist-3112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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In the life of every tomato there comes a great dilemma

To mate or to matter

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pardon_the_panj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rare_Breed721
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
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What goes in long and hard, then comes out soft and wet?

Pasta you pervert

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yaklshakl
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2020
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How come you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're really good at it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/melicious660
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order: 456123?

In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 384
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2019
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If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom and you're Finnish when you come out, what were when you were in the bathroom

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_Cyberostrich_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2020
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What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Patrick_L58
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
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If you're American when you go in the restroom and you're American when you come out. What are you when you're in the rest room?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 940
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Magic_Milkman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2018
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