My Dad has just had a Carotid Endarterectomy operation.
It's fairly routine but also kind of terrifying as he had to have the carotid artery in his neck opened up.
He got out of surgery yesterday and I texted him today:
"How are you feeling? Still a pain in the neck?"
I was gonna tell you guys an economics joke
But they're in high demand
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?
I went in to hospital for a routine operation and was furious when I woke up to find the surgeon had given me a lobotomy
I can tell you, he sure got a piece of my mind.
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
but graphing is where I draw the line
Went to a club called Ghost Town the other day but had to leave cos of the smell.
Too much farting on the dancefloor.
Let's not talk about operation barbarossa. That topic is very offensive
What my co-worker uses at work.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
. ....................But catscan.
Ima start spelling weed oui’d cos I can’t say no to it
If you sign up for an economics class, you should bring some spoiled milk on the first day.
They’re a big fan of gross domestic products.
Co-worker: "A woman's work is never done."
Me: "That's why men get paid more, because we get the job done."
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
When I woke up from an operation, the nurse leaned over and said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
I recently got a job as an elevator operator
It has its ups and downs.
What is it called when cattle do what they're supposed to do?
What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
What do you call an organized mosquito group?
A sting operation
Yes this sucks I’m sorry
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
My dad died because he couldn't remember his blood type.
He kept insisting we "be positive", but it's just so hard without him.
I wasn't close to my father when he died.
Which is lucky 'cos he stepped on a land mine
All your electronic devices are watching every move you make and every breath you take.
It’s like a Sting operation.
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked “what’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”
What did sine and cos say to each other?
Nothing. They just waved.
How did the biologist annoy the mathematician?
He said: "cells multiply by dividing"
Just had my first day on the job as a co-pilot of the Millenium falcon...
It went well but I made some Wookiee mistakes.
My mail man just had a sex change operation.
I guess I should call him a post man now
What would u call Hitler if he got removed of his own dick by operation and put someone else's dick there?
What would happen if you give McDonalds an operating system
What's a celibate person's favourite operating system?
Operating a solar farm is probably easy
After all, it's a light crop
What happens if you give a site foreman an operating system
Science puns make me numb
But math puns make me number.
I have a joke about trickle down economics...
...but 99% of you will never get it.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,
Dogs can’t operate MRI Machines
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
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