I asked my wife if “Jingle Bells” is her favorite Christmas song. She replied, “Noel”.

Call me crazy, but “Jinge Bes” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

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👤︎ u/Yeahimo
đź“…︎ Nov 21 2021
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My friend Jim has a dog he named Bob. So for Christmas he tried some bells on his dog's tail.

Now when his dog is happy he can hear:

"Bells on Bob's tail ring!"

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👤︎ u/lodiman77
đź“…︎ Dec 22 2021
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I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..

Good Tie-dings to all men!

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đź“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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idk if this belongs here or not, but it made me giggle
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👤︎ u/Horrorisepic
đź“…︎ Aug 05 2021
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This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

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👤︎ u/Hipphazy
đź“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled “TubaChristmas in July,” which had “Hallelujah” by Pentatonix, “Carol of the Bells,” “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and “Have Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, “Paint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

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👤︎ u/The_Leo_1110
đź“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Warning: musical pun

This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.

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👤︎ u/penislandbic
đź“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out

Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)

Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up! Step daughter: it's a smart fridge Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.

Groans where heard throughout the house

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👤︎ u/Teraferma
đź“…︎ May 18 2014
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