Chechen mafia Puns

Honestly, my boyfriend and I are considering moving to Poland because we would at least have a decent life there. His father has a business that he’s doing well and always wanted his family to move from America and go back to Poland once he created a life for them. We’re both just really struggling especially with finding jobs. I was wondering what Poland is like in terms of living. It would be a drastic change for both of us but mostly me considering I am Bengali.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

According to the version of the official Grozny, Ruslan Utsiev arrived in London in the autumn of 1992 on behalf of the President of Chechnya to organize the production of passports and currency for the independent republic. His brother flew in to learn English and get acquainted with the sights of the English capital. According to unofficial sources, in fact, the circle of business interests of the Utsievs in London was much wider — they had to negotiate with Western entrepreneurs on the sale of Chechen oil at world prices. The need for this was caused by the fact that, according to the special commission of the Armed Forces of Chechnya, a huge amount of Chechen petroleum products were sold to the CIS and Eastern European countries at dumping prices. According to the representatives of the commission, the Prime Minister of the republic Yaragi Mamodaev supervised these transactions, and the funds were deposited in the accounts of commercial structures.

The investigation established that Ruslan Utsiev really negotiated with representatives of large oil companies. According to Ken Woodward, Utsiev signed a contract for the sale of Chechen oil to the German company Stinnes. According to unofficial data, Ruslan Utsiev also met with an American businessman Joseph Ripp, who, according to the British intelligence services, is connected with the Italian mafia. With him, Utsiev allegedly negotiated the allocation of a $250 million loan to Chechnya for the reconstruction of oil fields. The investigation does not have specific information about these negotiations, since Ripp disappeared from London immediately after the murder of the Utsievs.

**Arriving in London, Ruslan Utsiev hired an interpreter, guide and adviser - 33-year-old Gagik Ter-Hovhannisyan, a pool employee who has been living in London since 1988 on 22 pounds a day. It is possible that Utsiev was guided by the recommendation of Ter-Hovhannisyan's wife, the BBC Russian service correspondent Alison Ponting, who interviewed Utsiev in Grozny. Thus, Ter-Hovhannisyan had the opportunity to be present at all business conversations of Ruslan Utsiev, and found out that he was negotiating the purchase of 2,000 surface-to-air Stinger missiles for the Azerbaijani army. He passed this information to the representatives of the Armenian special services, who had information about the supply of Chechen weapons to Azerbaijan. This delivery, Ken Woodward noted, would have significantly affected the balance of powe

On the evening of July 9, 2004, the chief editor of the Russian edition of Forbes, Paul Klebnikov, left the office on Dokukina Street in Moscow. It was easy to watch for Paul; he always used the metro: a habit after living in New York. At that moment, when the journalist went to the station, a VAZ-2115 caught up with him, and the killer opened fire from the open window of the car.

Four of nine bullets hit the target: Klebnikov was wounded in the stomach and chest, but remained conscious and even tried to make a phone call. He asked a casual passer-by to bring him to the entrance of the office building. There, journalists of the Newsweek edition (its office was in the same building as Forbes), Alexander Gordeev and Dmitry Kuznets, ran out to the wounded Klebnikov. Klebnikov managed to tell them that he did not know the dark-haired man of about 35 who was shooting and had no idea who could have organized this attack: "I don't know what they shot at me for".

Paul was taken to the City Clinical Hospital No. 20, but on the way to the intensive care unit an elevator got stuck - in addition to the wounded one, there were nine people in it. Two of them entered the elevator against the wishes of the doctors with the words: "We are ordered to guard him." When Paul died on the gurney in the elevator, one of the doctors said: "There is no one to guard anymore." Later, the doctors reported that Paul's injuries were fatal. Even if the elevator was serviceable, it would not have saved Klebnikov.

Before his death, Klebnikov managed to describe his killer: an average height man with dark short hair, who looked about 35 years old. But such signs did not give much to the investigation. Of course, the professional activities of Paul, who was a truly fearless person, were immediately identified as the main motive for the crime.

A descendant of the first wave of Russian émigrés, Paul Klebnikov was born and raised in New York. In 1984, he graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with a degree in political science, then he received a master's degree from the London School of Economics in 1985, and a doctorate in 1991.

Since 1989, Klebnikov worked as a correspondent for the American edition of Forbes. He spoke five languages ​​(Russian, English, French, Italian, and German) and analyzed the work of various global corporations. In early 2004, Klebnikov, who had become a well-known journalist by that time, headed the newly opened Russian editorial o

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

They were cooked in Greece.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!