I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Return to Hoclaros - Part 1.
This all really began a few nights ago. I had an astral projection where I was losing lucidity a bit and started dreaming some at the same time while I was out. I remembered I had to get to Floor 4 and got inside an elevator. I figured that was my best chance from wherever I’d been! lol!
It was fairly crowded. I looked all along the walls and couldn’t find anything resembling a button to a Floor 4. I tried telepathing to the others in the elevator but nobody gave me a response. Most of the people in the elevator were huge and at least 8 feet tall. I began to wonder if I was on another heavy gravity planet again.
The elevator began to act wonky while weirdly going sideways and diagonal at times. It didn’t seem very stable. I squeezed through all the giant people into the center of it and telepathed very loudly that I wanted to exit the elevator asap and I didn’t care which floor I got out on anymore.
A large woman with huge muscles manually opened the door with her huge arms. It didn’t seem like she’d be able to hold it open very long so I made my exit as fast as I could! I tried to thank her but I’m not sure if she heard it or not. I just had to be out of there. I exited into a gigantic gift shop area.
After I walked through those I noticed I was in the hallway of a huge cruise ship. I looked out the gigantic windows and saw we were about to dock at a beautiful island. Unfortunately, it did not occur to me at the time that it might be Hoclaros.
Later I was chatting with u/Astrealism about it here:
He asked if I saw a beach and I said yes. Then he was wondering if Floor 4 might correspond to P4 for the Hoclaros project. That really got me wondering. :-)
Return to Hoclaros - Part 2.
Last night as I drifted off to sleep I made the intention to go back if I could and explore that island in order to find out if it was Hoclaros. It took me awhile to get to sleep but once I was already astral projecting in a forest. I was talking with a tall thin man with short curly ash brown hair. He had a goofy look on his face.
**He wanted to go to the beach. We walked along through the forest on a nicely laid out trail which came out on a bright sunny beach. Everything on the beach looked like it was in technicolor this time which helped me remember I was astral
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
Before we begin, I would like to apologize for the extremely verbose tangent you’re about to read. TLDR: I had an incredible time despite my suffering feet and wallet.
My last visit to Disney World was in 1995. I was 5 years old, we only visited Magic Kingdom for the day, and the Genie hiemlicked me when I was choking on a grape. That was really one of my only memories, other than scattershot nostalgic images that would float around my head. My partner and I lived in Los Angeles for a long time, and we loved going to Disneyland together. Since moving to the East Coast about a year and a half ago after the death of my brother, we’ve been saving up to make the trip to Disney Word possible. It was extremely well worth it. I only wish it could have been longer.
DAY ONE: The Arrival into A Land of Manufactored Nostalgia
We arrived on September 26th, and even the airport starts to get you into the Disney mood. We took the Magical Express, although we really debated taking an Uber because the line looked relatively long. Luckily, the folks working the desk were super fast and we were waiting on the bus in about 45 minutes. There is a real mood when you’re waiting to be transported to your resort and those bus TVs kick in with some vintage Mickey Mouse. You start to feel the anticipating growing. As we were staying at the Caribbean Beach Resort, we were one of the last stops.
Walking into the resort, I was immediately stricken by the smell. God. The smell of that place is incredible. It instantly transports you beachside. I found the resort itself to be far more impressive in person than the pictures made it appear. The check in process was so easy. I’ve never actually stayed at a nice hotel before, so I had no idea what to do with the concierge service. But the staff was so nice and walked me through everything. More on their extreme helpfulness later.
The room was small but very nice. We were right next to the Riviera Skyliner, which made certain park travel very easy for us. It smelled nice, was very clean, and I kept thinking about how happy I was to be there.
We hopped in a Lyft and went to Disney Springs for dinner. We were used to Downtown Disney, but DS is a wooly mammoth compared to the size of DD. We went to Rainforest Cafe because we give no fucks and love immersive experiences. The dinner was overpriced, the food tasted like salted cardboard, but it was all worth it for those fake rainstorms.
It was relatively packed that night (or so I thoug
... keep reading on reddit ➡I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
You take away their little brooms
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
It was about a weak back.
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
