SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
What would a 'magical (chain)saw which can sprint' be called in the realm of Middle-Earth?
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
My favorite crime tv show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
Who is the imposter in a game of AMONG US among mythical characters?
Pega-sus.
Hey. Don't say Je's-looking-Sus bro
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Mick Hucknalls mother used to read him bedtime stories every night and use different and creative voices for all the characters, but he hated it
He preferred it simply red
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
I'm reading a book where the main character has a spine injury.
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line
so I have to make every second count.
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
What is the best character in Raid Shadow Legends?
What kind of trees grown in the bathroom?
Toilet-trees
.....I'll show myself out
There are 10 types of people in the world:
Those who know binary and those who don't.
Soup (I know it’s from Instagram but that’s why I kept the @ of the account in)
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
An elderly couple is in a church. The wife says to the husband “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”
What do you call a jar of Miracle Whip that’s falling to the bottom of the ocean in early May?
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
I'm a line cook and looking for a way to get in on some of the extra cash that servers earn.
Got any tips you can share?
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..
..to find exactly 32 of them.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
How does the Norse god of mischief act in his off time?
My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?
Did you know that Muslims were the LOWEST impacted religious group of people in the pandemic?
They've always required mosques
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
Which Norse realm do the protecters of the anus go?
What's a star wars character's favorite type of car?
These two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other “what type of music do you like?”
The other one says “I’m a huge metal fan”
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
What do the endings of The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
I made a spreadsheet of all the grassy plains in Scotland, but lost it when my computer crashed.
Traveled to the top of a misty mountain in the Far East to ask the local monk the meaning of life
He said. Many men bite, but fumanchu
Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???
Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
I know that SpongeBob is the title character of the show.
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