[META](x-post from r/science) The curse of dadjokes.

I was amazed to learn that making awful jokes could turn into a disease. I thought this subreddit might be interested.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160308-the-curse-of-the-people-who-cant-stop-making-puns Sorry I couldn't think of a sick pun for this post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Surcouf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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I hope this quarantine end soon.

I'm sick and tired of telling inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.

I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I went to a party with the Flu....

It was sick

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Just had about a dozen crows land in a tree near me

I'm getting real sick of this Corvid pandemic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartansATTACK
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I went to a dance club with the Flu....

It was sick.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink

No one listened but he kept warning them until people got sick of him and threw him out of the cinema.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Did you know Tristan was originally a nickname?

People were sick of having to write out Stanstanstan.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diatonicnerds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I’m so old

I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunlit_cairn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Okay I'll bite.

I'm sick of choking on my food.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchitzPopinov719
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...

The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.

Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.

They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.

After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.

So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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I’m sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...

Notion sickness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levainletlive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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The farmer decided to become a DJ...

... while he was putting down some sick beets!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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My car had check engine light on...

So I told my son that the car might be β€œsick”.

My son said: β€œdoes it have the Car-onavirus?” And started cracking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JordanMichael08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid.

I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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I was tired of quarantine so I decided to go out and start skateboarding.

Now I’m totally sick, bro! 🀘🀘🀘

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What’s the difference between illegal and unlawful?

One’s against the law and the other is a sick bird.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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COVID has me feeling really disturbed.

I am not Down with the Sickness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/majestic_walrus1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I'm so ready to be a dad

I really want to have a daughter and name her Zelda.

I imagine, as she gets older she will spend all her time writing sick poetry and rhymes in her journal, growing her hair down to her back, not to spite me, but so she can donate it later, and expand her wit by studying improv comedy through highschool.

As she becomes famous, I hope she will invite me to one of her rap battles and put me in the front row. My heart will grow as she takes the stage, but fatherly intuition tells me something is wrong...Zelda is frozen at the microphone.

I see her up on the stage, eyes alight with fright, hair pulled tight into a bun. She and I lock eyes, a moment of silence passes and serenity slowly enters...THIS is the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.

Looking up calmly, I couldn't be more proud as I exclaim, "Rap puns, Zel. Rap puns, Zel! Let down your hair!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImDyxlesic-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Whether or not you get infected with COVID...

I’m sure we’re all sick of it by now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatisaginger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What do dad jokes have in common with not wearing a mask?

People get sick of it but they still do it

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkJT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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There were two friends and one of them wanted to open up a gelato shop.

When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.

When the friend told this story the other friend then said,

#β€œMan, you have gelat of problems.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuy3036
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Eat a garlic clove with every meal to stop the Coronavirus

It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesiajune
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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There was a boy..

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said β€œI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said β€œNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad β€œYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked β€œwell, what is it?”

He said β€œDave Buttlicker”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I gave my number to a pirate once.

I'm getting sick of all the booty calls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Why were the melons forced to have a small wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drdoggomd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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If you are sad and angry, what American state are you from?

Illinois.

Edit: I meant sick, not sad. Whoops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roksforbrains
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Watson and Holmes go out camping.

Holmes noticed that Watson was looking a bit sick for a few days.

"What's wrong, Watson?", he asked. "You seem a bit down."

"Nothing, Holmes. Just having some stomach problems." Watson said. "Constipation, you know. I've suffered for a while."

"Constipation? So you have trouble answering the, ahem, nature's call?" Holmes asked.

"No shit, Sherlock."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ribdunge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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There was once a troop of boy scouts camping in the mountains

Needing to refill on water, they approached a pristine mountain stream. "Surely we don't need to boil THIS water. It's so clear!" they thought. They all got sick.

Never judge a brook by its color.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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My 8 years old invented this one and I am proudly sharing it with you all

Dad, do you know what an olive is? A sick grape.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppmartins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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My wife said I should put the mask on if I'm leaving the house - and so I always do.

But my dog has to be so sick of that stupid movie by now.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Did you hear the lead singer of disturbed isn’t going to self isolate?

He’s down with the sickness.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-radi-cate
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
i hate anti-maskers

they make me sick

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llama2262
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I think the flu is tired of humans

He said "I'm sick of you all"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gahgjajrng
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
This restaurant I went to opened to 100% capacity the other day.

People are dying to get in.

And I am getting sick of it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Can we stop it with the Covid-19 jokes?

I'm really sick of it

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeaninglessVids
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Too many people have been making COVID-19 jokes

Frankly, I'm sick of it

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Can people stop making coronavirus jokes

I’m getting sick of them

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaNUT721
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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