I. Principles of UFO Flight

I saw an interesting story yesterday. There is a Chinese farmer named Zhang Xiangqian（张祥前） who claims to have been kidnapped to an alien planet for a month in 1985. He claimed that the name of the planet was Gok（果克，Pinyin： Guo ke）.He lives in a village in Lu Jiang County, Anhui Province. According to his introduction. UFO uses an anti-mass field engine, which can reduce the mass of the UFO to 0 or extremely small, so the UFO can maneuver at the speed of light, but the passengers are safe. Since the passenger mass is zero, the acceleration felt is also zero.

The spacecraft can travel at the speed of light and can reach any corner of the universe in an instant, without time, because the distance has been compressed to zero. But an trip usually takes hours, because reducing to zero mass takes time to enter the speed of light and exit.

The engine principle is not very complicated. It is a ring-shaped particle accelerator that uses a high-speed rotating particles to generate an anti-mass field. The spaceship cannot carry too much energy. It relies on the external power supply of the base to obtain the initial state when taking off, and consumes very little energy during the flight.

The structure of the spaceship.

The outside is a torus, and the inside is a conduit for particle acceleration. At the center of the spacecraft is a cylindrical tube that appears to be where fuel (a type of particle) and engines are stored. Passengers stay in the annular area in the middle. The diameter of the ring (section) is about ten meters, which is still relatively spacious. This is a small aircraft.

With zero mass, dust in interstellar space will not cause damage to the spacecraft. But if the volume is too huge, such as a planet, it will cause machine destruction. So they need computers to plan their routes.

In short, their ships are not indestructible.

II. Will aliens help humanity?

Some aliens will help humans by the way, but not on a large scale. Just like American don't help Africa on a massive scale. Aliens don't care much about human society, they just come to Earth to find something useful to them.

They also have no love for us earthlings, but they have no intention of harming earthlings either.

In ancient times, they had more contact with earthlings guide earthlings developed. The aliens don't want to teach the earth people their technology at now, because they think that the technology level of the earth people is not far fr

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Had a laminectomy due last May… it was ok as it eliminated the terrible sciatic pains to both legs. Now I have bad stiffness on the buttocks and pain When walking or sitting. I thought maybe stem cell might work. Had the L4-5 laminectomy. Anyone could share is deeply appreciated

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

By Luc Cohen | Dec 21, 2021 | Link to article

NEW YORK, Dec 21 (Reuters) - Jurors are weighing the fate of Ghislaine Maxwell after a three-week trial featuring testimony from women who said she recruited and groomed them for abuse by the late financier Jeffrey Epstein when they were teenagers.

Maxwell, 59, has pleaded not guilty. Her attorneys say prosecutors are using her as a scapegoat because Epstein, who killed himself while awaiting trial on sex abuse charges, cannot be charged.

Here are 10 key moments from the trial:

• In her opening statement, prosecutor Lara Pomerantz called Maxwell a predator who manipulated girls and groomed them for abuse by Epstein, her employer and onetime boyfriend. Maxwell saw recruiting girls for Epstein to have sex with as a means to maintain a luxurious lifestyle, Pomerantz said.

"They were exploiting kids," Pomerantz said. "They were trafficking kids for sex."

• Maxwell defense lawyer Bobbi Sternheim began her opening statement by citing the biblical story of Adam and Eve to argue that Maxwell, like many women before her, was being blamed for a man's bad behavior. Epstein killed himself in 2019 in a Manhattan jail cell.

"Epstein's death left a gaping hole in the pursuit of justice for many of these women," Sternheim said. "She's filling that hole, and filling that empty chair."

• A woman known by the pseudonym Jane testified that Epstein first abused her in 1994, when Jane was just 14.

Maxwell sometimes took part in sexual encounters with Jane and Epstein, and acted as if it were normal, Jane testified.

"It made me feel confused because that did not feel normal to me," she said. "I'd never seen anything like this or felt anything like this."

• Under cross-examination by Maxwell attorney Laura Menninger, Jane acknowledged she did not initially tell the FBI everything about Maxwell's involvement. She said later under further questioning by prosecutors that she was not comfortable sharing all the details.

"I was sitting in a room full of strangers and telling them the most shameful, deepest secrets that I'd been carrying around with me my whole life," she said.

• Prosecutors displayed for the jury a green massage table that was seized from Epstein's Palm Beach, Florida, estate in 2005. Three of the four accusers said they gave Epstein massages that escalated into sexual activity.

Pomerantz called the word

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

But let me give it a shot.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

He’s the new temp.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments