Bus Ride Puns

Because they couldn't find their khakis.

As I sat down next to this guy, he gave me a really strange look. Typical, I thought. The bus is practically empty, yet I still end up sitting next to a nut case.

Her - We just left Salisbury. Me - How was the steak? H - You're funny. M - I know.

Had to move back home because he had too many poor scenes

**thought of it on the bus ride home, be gentle haha

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

“So as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

“Please, call me Max”

“Alright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

“No that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, “I’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

Little background, I usually take the bus to work and sometimes, if my dad is in the area at the end of the day, he will give me a ride home. I was at work when I got a call from him that went:

Dad: Did you take the bus to work?

Me: Yes

Dad: Well, you better give it back then

Starting to consider a new (used) car, and we think we're looking for a VW bus.

The kids asked why I was trying to look for one of those.

Told the kids, "I'm going to charge you to ride in it, after all it is only fare."

"Wouldn't you rather ride on a Gooder bus than a Badder Bus?"

Cue groans and eye rolls as he chuckles at his own brilliance.

Recently took a vacation with my parents. As we were getting on the public transportation bus:

Dad: Good thing you aren't here by yourself

me(confused): what?

Dad: Then you couldn't ride the bus

me (even more confused): Why couldn't I ride the bus by myself?

Dad: The bus is called the "Wego". Not the "Igo".

groan