I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.

Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzus628
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we say break a leg in the theatre?

Its because everyone in the play is in a cast

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your sister steps on your foot and breaks your toe in half?

That's mitosis

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedGandalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What precaution should you take after you break your leg in two places? /r/Jokes/comments/ijjhfy/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fn000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night there was a break-in at the pencil factory, theives stole everything...

...police are still looking for leads.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Park rangers told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in...

Bears must really like Hip-Hop.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldchcld
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Break the mould in 2020!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBrownGames
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do if you break your leg in two places?

Never, EVER go back to those two places.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Break-in at the Apple Store!

Police searching for iWitnesses...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingtiger79
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...

I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knoxollo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A lawyer and a law maker had been in an argument for several years, escalating into a bet to see who would break the law first. The lawyer then found himself in a trial against the law maker.

The law maker was outlawed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N1ch0l2s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
In case of emergency, break glass.

Why would I hurt myself in an emergency?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psychegotical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross... reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarPrince
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you eat when your Pop Tarts get stuck and break in half in the toaster?

Top Parts

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WesleySnopes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I never understood those signs that say β€œIn Case Of Fire, Break Glass”

How is broken glass supposed to put out a fire?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...

Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyto_tenebricosa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
The city of St. Louis is offering huge tax breaks to major corporations so that big businesses can move in.

Because Missouri loves Company.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If I were to break my arm, I'd be in a really bad mood...

...which is a shame, because otherwise I could make a humerus pun.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can actors in a play break their own legs?

Because they're already in a cast.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swagmonster55
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a break in at the electronics shop near us...They took all the iPads, iPods and iPhones....

It was an Apple turnover.

One made up by my dad! He's so impressed with himself for making it up he has told the joke where ever possible over the past few years!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnice17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Found in a local library break room.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djental
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
The workers at the scheese factory are trained in case the melter breaks

They are trained for the worst queso-nario

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baloogab0t
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What is it called when your lack of protection causes ornaments to break in their boxes?

T’ issue paper

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuitarGusto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Decorated the wreath in our musician's break room at work... it needed more ...soul. 😏 i.reddituploads.com/e5067…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N031113
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
🚨︎ report
If I buy another Versa, in case the one I have breaks... reddit.com/r/fitbit/comme…
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeisnowonfire
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, as I brought in the dogs from a potty break in our Minnesota backyard before we went to the grocery store, my wife asked me to reminder her to pick up some frozen peas. I told her..

..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
So if a Pole breaks out in a jig, would that be considered pole dancing?

^No racism intended whatsoever

Credit for pun goes to [ollies-outies] (http://ollies-outies.tumblr.com)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smol_owl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Am thinking of writing a sonnet about an Elizabethan trying to break in a new pair of buskins. May call it, "The Taming of the Shoe."
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchGoodwin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2012
🚨︎ report
If i break my arm in a dream and go to the medic, what does the medic put in my arm?

A Dreamcast.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unknow0059
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
🚨︎ report
GF moved in a month ago and yesterday she jokingly said we should break up...

Me: No, I think we should stay together until Sept. 1st. It's the lease we can do.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Got the girls talking about a vibrator in the break room

She was telling a story about how her luggage got stopped on its way to Europe because her vibrator that had been acting up turned on in her suitcase.

Halfway out the door, I peeked back in and asked.."oh, was it giving you a hard time?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goaskalice3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
🚨︎ report
The train breaks down in the DDR.

A train traveling through the DDR is carrying Stalin, Krushchev, and Breznev through the Urals. It breaks down.

Stalin lines up the crew of the train, the local villagers, and the passengers, and shoots every 5th person.

Krushchev lines up the survivors and gives them a rousing speech about how much better Soviet trains will run in 7 years.

Breznev sits back down, pulls the blind shut, bounces up and down in his seat, and pretends the train is still running.

The DDR politburo votes themselves out of office because the train won't run.

:D

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Why do they say β€œbreak a leg” in theatre?

Because every play has a cast

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The park ranger told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in.

Bears must really like Hip-Hop.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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