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#Immigration

Fact: Human Rights First documented more than 1,500 cases of murder, rape, torture, and kidnapping of migrants who were sent across the border to Mexico.

The hyper-conservative 5th Circuit again ruled against the Biden administration’s attempt to end the “Remain in Mexico” policy requiring migrants seeking asylum to stay in Mexico until their US immigration court date. Despite only mandating the return of the program under its Trump-era parameters, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has chosen to expand it to include more immigrants.

Former President Donald Trump implemented the unprecedented policy, also known as the Migrant Protection Protocols (MPP), in 2019. Biden fulfilled his campaign promise to end Remain in Mexico in February 2021. However, in August, Trump-appointed District Court Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk issued an injunction against the program’s termination. The Supreme Court then upheld the injunction and, this week, two Trump judges (Oldham and Engelhardt) and a G.H.W. Bush judge (Barksdale) agreed (pdf).

>Lawfare: The Fifth Circuit’s approach, along with the Supreme Court’s decision not to stay the district court’s injunction, conflict with the long-standing deference that courts accord the executive branch on issues of foreign policy…Moreover, if the stay standard is to have integrity and consistency, it cannot merely defer to pro-enforcement government decisions. As the Supreme Court noted in Regents in vacating the Trump DACA rescission, government decisions n

With senioritis kicking in hard, I’ve had lots of motivation to do random projects and not much motivation to do school work. Anyways, instead of Spanish homework I’ve analyzed all 2,461 emails I received from colleges. As far as I can tell, most of these emails are a result of signing up for one (1) virtual college fair in junior year. I didn't actively sign up for any email lists, though scheduling visits likely caused some of them.

Interesting Statistics

• Average emails per school: 21.8
• Median emails per school: 17
• Emails from schools I applied to: 212
• Day with the most emails: October 1 with 31 emails
• First school to email me: North Carolina State University
• Longest email: “Spring's Springing: UChicago Updates and Opportunities!”
• Most common words: University, college, and apply

Click here for a chart!

Notice how emails slow significantly after November (early decision).

Biggest Spammers

1. Loyola Marymount University - 90
2. Montana State University - 86
3. Columbia University - 81
4. Rider University - 63
5. Bradley University - 60

Brand New Email Subjects

A Markov Chain is a statistical model that simulates a sequence of events given the outcome of the previous event. They can be used to generate random sentences when “trained” on a big chunk of text. Using 13,426 words taken from email subjects, here are some of the funniest results, edited for grammar.

• Join America’s war in Afghanistan #WorthIt
  • Skidmore + University of Tennessee
• Columbia University application date approaches <name>, look out
  • Columbia + Ohio State + Case Western + Kenyon
• Want to education? Discover your future, <name>
  • <State School> + Boston University + Pace
• Oh Fair <name>, want to save lives?
  • <Many Possibilities> + Colorado College
• Best Outdoor Spots in San Jose. You've Won Trading Cards!
  • Tulane + UChicago + Tulane
• Experienced academic inspiration? Drop it by Nov. 1
  • Loyola Marymount + Boston University + UC Merced + Ohio State
• Looking to show you care about diversity and Stanford? #ExperienceLMU
  • Syracuse University + Willamette + Montana State + Stanford + Loyola Marymount
• Cornellian! What it means at Haverford.
  • Cornell + Brandeis + Haverford
• Cheers on stellar academics!
  • Loyola Marymount + Baylor

T20 Schools

1. Princeton - 4 2

George Dewey, 22nd President of the United States of America.

Administration:

Vice President: Robert M. La Follette

Secretary of State: Thomas B. Reed (1901-1902 (died)), Grover Cleveland (1902-1905)

Secretary of the Treasury: William F. Vilas

Secretary of War: William O’Connell Bradley

Attorney General: Louis Brandeis (1901 (appointed to the Supreme Court)), Frank D. Jackson (1901-1905)

Secretary of the Navy: Theodore Roosevelt

Secretary of the Interior: William Borah

Postmaster General: Myron T. Herrick

Secretary of Agriculture: Oscar Underwood

Secretary of Labor: Terence V. Powderly

Dewey’s cabinet was a diverse array of political proclivities. Former General Trades Union President and incumbent Secretary of Labor Terence V. Powderly, having served in the Trumbull, Houston, and George cabinets, agreed to serve in a fourth and remain as Secretary of Labor under President Dewey. Maine’s Thomas Brackett Reed was selected to serve as Secretary of State, bringing a conservative and anti-imperialist touch to things that would persist until his death in 1902, whereupon he was replaced with former New York Governor Grover Cleveland, a Liberal recently mired in a scandal involving his sister’s relationship with another woman. William F. Vilas was made Secretary of the Treasury, evidencing the administration’s shift from protectionist Federal Republican orthodoxy.

Anti-prohibitionist Kentucky Federal Republican William O’Connell Bradley was selected to serve as Secretary of War due to the intervention of Mark Twain, who vehemently protested Dewey’s initial intention to appoint Theodore Roosevelt to the post. Nonetheless, Roosevelt was placed at the Naval Department in a gesture of reconciliation to party Houstonians. Louis Brandeis was selected as Attorney General once more, while 35 year old Farmer-Labor Representative William Borah of Idaho was made Secretary of the Interior, a controversial choice publicly opposed by Federal Republican leaders such as William McKinley. Ohio anti-prohibition Federal Republican Myron T. Herrick and Alabama Liberal Oscar Underwood were granted the Postal and Agriculture positions, respectively.

With the politically inexperienced Dewey lacking many connections or legislative acumen, heightened by his belief in a weak executive, his cabinet and Vice President La Follette wielded large

In the aftermath of the largest conflict in American history since the Civil War, a wave of progressive legislation, the first federal civil rights legislation in a generation, and the highest tariffs in American history, incumbent President Aaron Burr Houston throws his hat into the ring for a third term as a popular yet inexperienced Admiral sees his sailor’s cap placed into the ring for him by enthusiastic supporters and a witty New Englanders bears the banner of conservatism.

Aaron Burr Houston: 46 year old incumbent President Aaron Burr Houston has led the United States to victory against Japan in the Pacific War through his second term, yet the senate failed to pass the expansionist Treaty of Hong Kong; while leading the progressive Federal Republicans to control the party in his first. Houston has presided over the passage of laws raising tariffs, regulating railroads, enforcing prohibition, fought for an amendment directly electing senators, and accepted civil rights legislation. Houston’s ally and hero of the Pacific War, Rough Riders Colonel Theodore Roosevelt, has worked to build a strong campaign for the President and ensure his renomination with appeals to every faction within the party, arguing to conservatives that Houston remains the party’s strongest candidate. Houston has argued that his progressive, expansionist agenda requires a third term to complete and has pointed to Presidents Winfield Scott and John Bidwell’s attempts at a third term to argue that there is precedent for such a campaign. While refraining from attacking the popular Dewey personally, Houston and his supporters have questioned the Admiral’s readiness for office and attacked both his vague views overall and concrete anti-annexation and anti-Chinese exclusion stances, and have been successful in winning nearly all expansionist conservatives in the party to their side, alongside the progressive leadership and pro-Houston Farmer-Laborites such as Henry Teller.

George Dewey: Considered the leading hero of the Pacific War and even “the most popular man in America”, 62 year old Admiral George Dewey commanded the American Pacific Fleet at the Battle of Manila Bay, turning the tide of the war after the Japanese victory at the First Battle of Hawaii, and the Second Battle of Hawaii, where he conclusively won the war for the United States. Subject to a draft movement for the presidency, Dewey surprised many by taking a stand in opposition to imperialism, arguing th

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

During the three years which followed the Peace Conference of 1919 the way had to be found to keep British armies in Palestine, make them look as if they performed an honourable duty there, and in fact use them as cloak for a deed which had the character of an assassination. This problem, of infinite complexity, was efficiently solved. An impressive picture of the secret manipulation of great governments for a nefarious purpose emerges from the records; the method of exerting "irresistible pressure upon international politics" constantly improved with practice.

After the Peace Conference had approved the Zionist claim to Palestine (and thereby disowned the mass of emancipated Western Jews, personified by M. Sylvain Levi) the next step was taken at the San Remo Conference of 1920, where the victor powers met to dismember the conquered Turkish Empire. This conference adopted the ingenious deception invented by Dr. Weizmann in 1915 and agreed that Britain should administer Palestine under "a mandate."

Protests against the undertaking then were growing loud, because its true nature was beginning to be realized, but Mr. Balfour assured Dr. Weizmann that "they were regarded as without importance and would certainly not affect policy, which had been definitely set."

Here is the cryptic statement, often to recur later, that policy in this one question must not, cannot and never will alter, so that national interest, honour and all other considerations are irrelevant. I know of no other case where an unalterable tenet of high State policy has been fixed without regard to State interest or consultation of public opinion at any stage. At San Remo Mr. Lloyd George was worried lest "the frost" of peace should set in before the secret purpose was accomplished, and told Dr. Weizmann, "You have no time to waste. Today the world is like the Baltic before a frost. For the moment it is still in motion. But if it gets set, you will have to batter your heads against the ice blocks and wait for a second thaw." Had Mr. Lloyd George said "second war" he would have been correct and possibly that was what he meant by "thaw." In these circumstances the San Remo Conference "confirmed the Balfour Declaration and the decision to give the mandate to Great Britain." After that only one step remained between the Zionists and their goal; the League of Nations had to invent "mandates," bestow on itself the right to bestow mandates, and then "ratify" this Mandate.

That happened i

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

A Japanese artists rendition of the First Battle of Hawaii, the largest of the Pacific War.

The primary event of President Houston’s term was the Pacific War, which one may find in four parts:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Aaron Burr Houston, 21st President of the United States.

Administration:

Vice President: William M.O. Dawson

Secretary of State: Shelby M. Cullom

Secretary of the Treasury: Seth Low

Secretary of War: Galusha Grow

Attorney General: Louis Brandeis (1897-1899 (resigned)), Henry Teller (1899-1901)

Secretary of the Navy: Henry S. Boutell

Secretary of the Interior: Joseph M. Carey

Postmaster General: Charles J. Bonaparte

Secretary of Agriculture: Mary Elizabeth Lease

Secretary of Labor: Terence V. Powderly

Houston's cabinet largely carried over from his first term and remained remarkably consistent, yet he brought in two leading members of the Farmer-Labor Party to form what was dubbed his "coalition cabinet" as the Pacific War raged: 1892 Farmer-Labor presidential nominee Mary Elizabeth Lease and former General Trades Union President Terence V. Powderly, with Farmer-Laborite Henry Teller replacing Louis Brandeis as Attorney General following the former's resignation.

[Praised as the most influential Secretary of State in American history, Shelby M. Cullom has presided over the Pacific War, annexation of Hawaii, and what some have labelled \"America taking its place among the Great Powers.\"](https://preview.redd.it/6q8qjs4tp2x71.png?width=1339&forma

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

There hasn't been a post all year!