Bow down to your master, peasants
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/edmund22lee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Bow down before 'Nice One Dad', the website gatekeeper of the worst dad puns known to man.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 60
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AspiringBiscuit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Asurarkt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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A piece of string walks into a bar.

Before he sits down the bartender yells โ€œHey! We donโ€™t serve pieces of string like you!โ€

The piece of string goes outside, ties himself in a bow, and rolls around on the ground for a bit. Then he gets up, goes back into the bar, and sits down.

The bartender says โ€œArenโ€™t you that piece of string?โ€ The string replies โ€œNo. Iโ€™m a frayed knot.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2020
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My wife plays violin. I used to play trumpet. Last night we talked aviation.

My wife plays violin and her first rehearsal with a new orchestra is near. She had access to an electronic copy of the music, but wondered whether the orchestra would distribute paper copies at the rehearsal. For orchestras, the section leaders decide when everyone's bows will be moving up vs. down and annotate the music accordingly. Copies of the annotated music are distributed to the players. As a trumpet player who's never needed that kind of annotation, I've always been able to use the originals.

Wife: "String players never play from the originals because we have bowings."

Me: "And wind players have Airbuses!"

Wife: "That joke was just plane awful."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfofurn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Dad, how much money do you make?

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

โ€œDaddy, may I ask you a question ?โ€

โ€œYeah, sure, what is it ?โ€ replied the man.

โ€œDaddy, how much money do you make an hour?โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?โ€ the man said angrily.

โ€œI just want to know.ย  Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?โ€ pleaded the little boy.

โ€œIf you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ the little boy replied, head bowed.

Looking up, he said, โ€œDaddy, may I borrow $9.00 please?โ€

The father was furious. โ€œIf the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed.ย ย  Think about why youโ€™re being so selfish.ย  I work long, hard hours every day and donโ€™t have time for such childish games.โ€

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boyโ€™s questioning.ย  How dare he ask such questions only to get some money.

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.ย  May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $9.00 and he really didnโ€™t ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of the little boyโ€™s room and opened the door.ย  โ€œAre you asleep son?โ€ he asked.

โ€œNo daddy, Iโ€™m awake,โ€ replied the boy.

โ€œIโ€™ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,โ€ said the man.ย  โ€œItโ€™s been long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Hereโ€™s that $9.00 you asked for.โ€

The little boy sat straight up, beaming.

โ€œOh, thank you daddy!โ€ he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.ย  The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

โ€œWhy did you want more money if you already had some?โ€ the father grumbled.

โ€œBecause I didnโ€™t have enough, but now I do,โ€ the little boy replied.

โ€œDaddy, I have $20.00 now.ย  Can I buy an hour of your time?โ€

The father looked upon his son with a smile as he walked towards the door and said "Overtime is double pay."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cleverley1986
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: โ€œWow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.โ€

The man then replies: โ€œYeah, well we were married 35 years

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grace832
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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