DUCK!

When I was waiting tables in a French bistro, I had a gentleman order the duck confit appetizer, followed by the roast duck entree.

As I cleared his dinner, he said, "Now you can bring me my third duck course."

I said, "I'm afraid I haven't got a duck dessert, Sir."

He said, "No, no - the bill!"

πŸ‘︎ 219
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasp449
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
🚨︎ report
True dad encounter at the shops

Shop assistant: "sir do you have a smaller bill?" Dad: "no but you can rip that one in half..."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mtb_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I hate going to restaurants

I mean the meal is usually great but the waitress always gets my name wrong. "You're bill sir." I always tell them my name is Oli! Even when I show them my name on my card, they just laugh at me! It's so disrespectful!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/briggzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad at the drive-though

He hands the cashier a $50 bill

Cashier: Sir, do you have any smaller bills?

Dad (stone faced): They're all the same size!

Cashier: uuuuhhhh...

Dad: Well I just got out of prison.

Dad looks at me with the biggest grin on his face.

I love Dad

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/246lehat135
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Customer at work paid with $100 bill and ask for his change in smaller bills...

Sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/optionaladoption
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
🚨︎ report
My co-worker dadjokes me every day. Here's a few of his finer ones.

I started working at a jewelry store two weeks ago. I just turned 24, and one of my new co-workers is about 50 years old and repairs jewelry that customers bring. He is a master of dad jokes.

  1. One day, I was windexing our glass displays.

Him: I recently started getting the urge to take my clothes off and run around all over the place. My buddy told me to try drinking Windex. It prevents streaking.

  1. Another time, it was almost closing time and we were getting bored.

Him: A man was walking his Great Dane and saw a pub. He said, "I'll go have me a drink or two," and tied the dog up outside.

A little while later another man comes in the pub and says, "Sir, is that your Great Dane out there? My dog just killed it."

"What kind of dog do you have?!"

"Chihuahua."

"You're telling me a chihuahua killed my dog?"

"Yea, he got stuck about right here." grabbing his throat

  1. Lastly, we were bored yet again at the end of another day, and he came up to me and another worker and says, "Did one of you lose a big wad of twenty dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?"

We looked at one another confused. "... No."

"Oh, because I had some good news... I found the rubber band." holding up a runner band

I like my new job.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amdawson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.