SΓ©once
Turns out it was a total sham
They donβt want to get the sheets!
Don't they carry essential oils?
meat
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her. I said, βNo. I canβt deal with high maintenance women.β
Bud Light beer.
My 3 yr old daughter was about to much down on a burrito and I said wait, eat this end first (because it was open on that end) and she looked at me and said, no, I don't want to eat the end, I want to eat the beginning.
Because that would be over dos.
She wanted to buy a mirror and asked me for my opinion.. I told her.
"I can see myself buying this "
She groaned , and was worth it..
The manβs performance was universal.
....by conducting a Junior Seance.....
He came at us with a knife! We were scared sheetless.
What's an "up" pillow, you might ask? It's the same as a down alternative pillow!
Picture this.
A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.
My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.
This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."
My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"
Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"
My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"
I've never been more proud of him.
Grandmother: This dip is made mostly from horseradish and sour cream
Dad: Mmm, you can really taste the horse!
