My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
My best friend is a monkey.
Why are dogs man's best friend?
They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.
Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied “Panettone”.
That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.
What does a skeleton call his best friend?
10 years ago I married my best friend
Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
My best friend is allergic to certain herbs.
I'm afraid it's just a matter of thyme...
Three years ago I married my best friend...
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!
What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?
One of my friends asked "what's the best way to cook an alligator?"
How do you call when a person kills his best friend?
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
People ask me why my best friend is a mushroom
I always tell them because he's a fungi
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
One of my best friends had her 50th birthday today and I told her “my next ones will only last 50 seconds!” She said, “Really?”
And, I said “Yes, because it will be my 52nd birthday!”
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
My best friend said they had an exam that was a piece of cake
Then I got confused because I only saw questions about pi
I said to my best friend ’The words can’t describe how beautiful you are!
But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!
My best friend has a good eye for dad jokes...
But the jokes couldn’t be any cornea.
Doesn't he need to change? I bet his best friend's name is penny.
During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.
My best friend's bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
You know why gamers make the best friends?
Because they always level with you.
My best friend quit sailing recently
Not long after, he took up drowning
Why couldn't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cookpot and his best friend?
I showed my friend my pond, including the best fishing spots and the place where the bank drops off...
I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...
My best friend made me some cookies the other day. "Wow, did you make them yourself?"
"Yeah," He responded
"They're Homie made."
My best friend growing up is a famous author of marine life books now.
He's mostly known for his polyp fiction.
My best friend lives in Prague and is a real chess enthusiast.
I call him my Czech mate.
They say one in four people are homosexual, which is weird because I have three best friends, all guys. Makes me wonder which one of us would be gay.
I hope It's Paul. He's cute.
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
A friend told me the Russians are best at racing.
I knew that was nonsense. People from Finland always Finnish first.
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....
It was one hell of a barbecue.
My best friend just got dumped by his girlfriend in the YMCA...
Seems like their relationship isn't gonna workout
I knew a guy who's best friend was a sea bird gifted by his dad's second wife.
It was his plover from another mother.
I interrupted my friend when he said he had the best egg puns saying...
I’m really happy for you Omelette you finish, but I have the best egg puns around
I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...
Talk about blunt force drama.
My best friend couldn’t come out to the pub with me tonight so his identical twin came instead.
My best friend was hit with a can of soda...
Good thing it was a soft drink!
Outside of a dog, a man’s best friend is a book.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
WHO is China's best friend..
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