Andy was frustrated.

His wife always complained that he wasn't good enough in bed and that she wasn't satisfied. He went to the local bar to get a drink and cool off for a bit. On reaching the bar, he ordered a beer and sat down. His friend, Mike saw him sitting alone and walked up to him. He asked Andy what happened to which Andy told him the situation. Mike said that he had a simple trick which never failed and told Andy to hit his meat on the bedpost three times before sex. Andy rushed home to perform this trick. He saw that his wife was lying on the bed with the lights off. Slowly he took off his pants and hit his meat three times on the bedpost. Dum, dum, dum. His wife immediately woke up and shouted, "Mike, is that you?"

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👤︎ u/ginks_21
📅︎ Feb 08 2021
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This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

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👤︎ u/Hipphazy
📅︎ Nov 02 2020
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Do you have a name for this?

It's not a joke, and for now I'm calling it the "dad switcharoo." My dad would do this all the time. Here's my example:

My younger son does this funny thing with his eyes. I made him do it tonight at the dinner table real quick. Then my older son (WHO EATS NOTHING) said, "Dad I can do the eye trick that $youngerson does." Then I says to him I says, "You need to do the eating trick that $youngerson is doing."

Is there a better name for this? My dad would do things like:

Me (trying to stall before bed): "I'm just reading this real quick."
Dad: "Well read yourself into bed real quick, we have to wake up early tomorrow."

and so forth.

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👤︎ u/NiceGuyJoe
📅︎ Apr 28 2014
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