Review of the just-released-into-the-wild 'Top Man: the Epic Wager', by Andrew Marc Rowe.

Disclaimer: I was provided an ARC in exchange for an honest review, two kegs of Viking mead and $20 coupon for all Starbucks in 'Newfoundland', wherever that is.

Let us begin.

Bragi, kindly god of bards, faces off with that eternal scene-stealer Loki, god of shit-heads. The Novel Ragnarok-19 threatens the world’s end. But: a hero might yet stop it.

Loki: “Here are the terms of the wager: he is not my chosen, he is not your chosen, he is our chosen. Gudleik Sigbjornson gets a double blessing – one from the god of trickery and destruction and the other from the god of poetry and song.”

‘Top Man’ is a novella serving as prequel to a larger epic. But if it is true storytelling and not fluff, it must stand on its own. And it does. For all that it ends with a cliffhanger. Ever actually hung from a cliff? Even with a safety line and a spotter, it really is NOT a fun place. It's just fun to see someone else dangling above the abyss.

So long as humorous background music is playing, we laugh at another's embarrassment and sorrow. In ‘Top Man’, the god of bards is playing banjo music to the background of a dangling hero.

In truth, we have two heroes; Gudleik and Rosmerta, dangling on opposite ends of the Euro-mythopoetic map. Would-be bards, bubbling with talent, crushed by a bureaucracy of Norse and Celtic deities. Forget reverencing these deities; you wouldn’t willingly sit down next to them on a park bench. And yet, Rowe knows his myths. Yes, Cernunnos is a perv. What did you expect? He's half goat and all fertility. And Valhalla is a frat house in a 80's movie. It wasn't just fighting that warriors expected to spend eternity enjoying.

Rowe takes the time to present a great many people in this prequel. Our two would-be-heroes, and Arthur and Merlin and his devil-father, and some nice domestic Vikings. Good folk in their homes, for all they are homicidal psychopaths at your doorstep. Rowe's characters are usually disreputable, dissolute and either serving as the butt of jokes or making jokes about butts.

‘Top Man’ is prequel to an epic. Taken as its own tale, it is a writing challenge. How adam-sandlerish can you make a scene with a Celtic fertility god, or a wizard watching future porn, and yet have the reader see the hero's journey? Rowe’s narrative skills are excellent, fresh, descriptive. But… yeah, he’s talking about, uhm, dildos made of bread.

It is

Hi again. Three weeks ago I posted about a project I'm working on. For those who haven't seen it yet:

>So, I am embarking on an interesting project. I intend to experience the best art and media humanity has to offer before I die. Namely this is all the highly notable and interesting books, plays, art, music, films, TV shows, and video games. I guess you could call it a bucket list. I've been indexing it chronologically and downloading it to an external hard drive.

I then solicited suggestions for highly notable/significant ancient and medieval literature that I was missing from an early draft of what the list would cover. I got over 100 responses; it was clear I was missing a lot. So, I pretty much started from scratch, doing multiple sweeps of any pre-Renaissance literature, and incorporated many of the suggestions I received, ranging from missing individual works to missing authors and cultures.

I should also note that in order to prevent this list from becoming unwieldly, I am limiting myself to 10,000 entries total, forcing myself to take a more deliberate and top-down approach. So far, I have 261 entries for the time span 4000 BC to 1400 AD: 12 Ancient-era, 121 Classical-era, and 128 Medieval-era works. 251 are literature, 10 are music. In other words, 2.61% of the list is Medieval era works or earlier, which seems quite reasonable to me and leaves plenty of room for more modern works spanning across more mediums.

I thought I would share what I have so far before I begin work on more modern stuff. Note that bolded entries are in the top 1,000 works, the cream of the crop, the most notable of all. If you're following along with me and don't want it to take a decade or longer to get through the whole completed list, just sticking to the bolded entries will give you a good taste too.

Ancient Era (4000 BC - 1001 BC)

The Wedding

The godswood of Winterfell was magnificent, not merely with its usual grimly austere beauty, but with a festive, joyful quality that did not oft shine its light upon the keep in the dead of winter. The great heart tree was bedecked in ribbons, Stark gray and white dancing with the Blackwood colors of raven-black and blood-red crimson in a manner that brought to mind the ancient blood sacrifices of centuries past.

Night had truly fallen when the ceremony began, a night impenetrable and consuming, with the only light coming from half a hundred candles, giving off a stellar quality as they hung from branches, stood on pedestals, or floated in the murky pool around which all had grown. Little concession to the sensibilities of faithful rivermen had been made - for all its festivity, the godswood remained a dark and primal place, even as it was crowded with the great men and women of two kingdoms - a thin rampart against the biting cold of winter.

Snow fell lightly as the ceremony began, though the wood remained warm, nearly snowless from the trample of boots and the heat of the steaming pool. No music or fanfare or sermon was there to herald the beginning, merely the flickering light of half a hundred candles and torches, ebbing and flowing in time with the bride’s footsteps. Escorting Alysanne, clad in a cloak of red and white fur and black sable mimicking the arms of her house, was her last surviving brother, Tytos. Both their movements were stiff and crabbed, ‘Black Aly’ keeping a careful distance from the man taking their father’s place.

When she arrived at the godswood where her husband-to-be stood, Alysanne shrugged off the cloak of her birth house, not waiting for Tytos to do it for her. Snow and steam swirled together, snowflakes becoming raindrops and raindrops becoming snowflakes, the faces of bride and groom and a hundred others appearing and disappearing at the whims of star and candle.

“Who comes?” uttered Cregan, as two hundred lords of Winterfell had before him, “who comes before the gods this winter eve?”

“Alysanne of House Blackwood, daughter of Roderick and Leona, comes here to be wed,” recited Tytos, stiffly. He recalled the words from his own wedding - he only hoped his sister’s marriage would be a happier one than his, for her own sake. “A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble, she comes to beg the blessings of the gods. Who comes to claim her?”

“I do,” said the groom, “Cregan of House Stark, son of Rickon a

>I am The Bard, who has been neatly sidestepping parts of this tale to work on more pleasant things around the holiday season. It is my doom to watch the end of ages, and though I cannot stop from seeing it, I can focus on other things for a little while.

>Samuel faced the orc chief in the heart of the burning tent. He raised his blade, and spoke. “I know I’m probably wasting my breath, but I have to try. Stand down, and surrender yourself to justice for your torture and murder of an ordani citizen.” The chief stared at him, in bitterness, hatred, and horror. “Of course, you can’t even speak the common tongue can you. Never had any desire to.” Samuel replied. “Why waste time learning to speak the language of every civilized creature when you would do everything in your power to keep your people from becoming civilized.”

>The two stalked each other, circling, waiting for an opening. Samuel’s blood was running hot. “We all have that potential you know; we all know right from wrong. But you? You squandered that. You wasted what little time we have hurting people. You could have worked to bring your people homes instead of just tents, books instead of shards of pottery. But no. There wasn’t time enough for that. Though you certainly made time to make yourself thrones.”

>His lips curled back to match the chieftain’s. “But you look at me like I’m the monster. Because I prove that we can be better. That we can chose what is right. That we don’t have to be slaves to a mad god and his murderous chosen.” His voice was rising. “Because I am the end of the world for you and for that psychotic bastard who dares to call himself our father. Because we will be better than you animals would make us. Even if I have to cut the way forwards through an entire forest of you fanatics to see our people set free.”

>”Like said, I know I’m wasting my breath talking to you. But I want you to know. I want that butcher who calls himself our god to know. We are not yours any longer.”

>Then, when he had the fire at his back to hide his movements and dazzle his opponent’s eyes, he charged. He began with an offensive stance, a nearly all-out attack. He was younger than his opponent, better fed, unbowed by any possibility of illness. In all probability, he was physically superior to the older orc in nearly every way. It wasn’t likely, but it was possible that his enhanced physicality would be enough for him to overwhelm his older foe swiftly and bring this to a quic

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

You've come to hear my tale then? Why do I stay here on this island instead of leaving? I'll tell you, as long as you promise to shut up for the duration, because the years have not been kind to my patience, and neither have the fools who never come back after the first tale.

Good. I'm glad we could reach an agreement on that

So, I guess we have to start at the first tale, the tale that led me down the path to become this hermit, who apparently has legends revolving around him. Truth of the matter is that almost every legend and myth has a kernel of truth hidden inside, but that matters not at this point.

Hmm? When am I going to start the tale? When I damn near feel like it. Let an old human mumble a bit before he has to delve deep within his own memory. After all, we wouldn’t want me getting lost in recollection when an inevitable tangent might come in the story. Have some tea in the meanwhile, maybe a biscuit. I make both myself, since one needs a hobby to prevent the maddening whispers of loneliness from affecting one too greatly.

You are an impatient one, but what else can one expect from untempered youth?

Fine, fine, I shall begin shortly. You really should have a biscuit though. They are delicious.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My tale began when I was a young man, twenty winters old to be exact, as I accepted a berth on my fathers own trading vessel as an apprentice to the ships surgeon. I was just out of school, and hungering to see the world and put my medical knowledge to the test. I must admit that I was also very excited to see if some of the other things I had learned would be of any use to me.

The first few trips were nothing to talk about. We would set out, loaded with wares, and sail off towards some foreign market to trade, and then we would bring the foreign items back home, selling them for a decent profit. Rinse and repeat for about a year and a half, and I found myself feeling a strange sense of boredom. One can only handle treating minor injuries for so long before they become routine.

Then, that fateful day came. It was sunny, a delightful breeze within our sails, and from the estimates of our navigator, we were barely half a month away from port. We were just doing the basic chores, sharing bawdy jokes and singing shanties to pass the time as the decks were cleaned, wares inventoried and checked over for damage, and minor leaks were patched. Then the lookout saw the smo

I recently found Makt Myrkranna (Powers of Darkness), the lost Icelandic translation of Dracula, for free on Audible. A good chunk of the recording is discussion of the book, not the book itself.

Once it got to the book it was.. interesting. I haven't read the original Dracula in some time, so I am curious about the thoughts of those who are familiar with both. Briefly

• The Transylvania portion is longer. I had hoped they would touch more on Dracula turning into a vampire while studying at Scholomance (man I wish there were more on that) but it was not even mentioned

• Dracula is a much different character. HUGE social Darwinist, continually talking about the natural order of things and the strong controlling the weak. Very into political scheming, and has on ongoing correspondence with many influential political figures. Also way more into bawdy tales, seems to get a kick out of embarrassing the prudish Harker

• No vampire women, but rather a single vampire woman, and there is much said of her seduction of Harker. I understand she may be the woman referenced in the deleted "Dracula's Guest' portion of the original. Much preferred this to the original.

• Favorite part - a fantastic ritual sacrifice complete with more bestial vampire attendance. Really wish there were more of things. Nearly made up for the lack of Scholomance

• Where the Transylvania portion is extended a bit, the English portion is slashed to bits. It doesn't even seem like a book, more like a very spartan outline for a future book. There are some interesting ideas here - Dracula involved in more political intrigue, the woman from the castle being a sought-after socialite, but nothing is fleshed out. Also, Dracula is killed while still in England, another very odd deviation

Not sure I would recommend to any but the most diehard Dracula fans. But some interesting choices/additions. Also possible the audible version is seriously abridged?

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Fire & Blood is a unique book. As a fictional history, it takes one of the tropes utilized in ASOIAF to an extreme, in such a way that will doubtlessly be lost in its TV adaptation. For this reason, if any folks on this sub haven't yet read F&B for fear of spoiling HoTD, I'd like to urge you to consider this: none of us really know what will happen in HoTD, because all of it is foggy and muddied by intensely biased and contradictory narratives. The joy of F&B is reading through and digging deeper—hearing one thing said in one paragraph, and seeing it casually contradicted three paragraphs later. As happy and eager as I am to trade F&B for HoTD, it ought to be said that once the truth is illuminated by the show, Fire & Blood will no longer be quite as captivating a read—its mysteries will be unveiled, and it will no longer be difficult to decipher truth from cacophony of deception and omission. Going from watching Game of Thrones to reading ASOIAF was largely seamless, with only a few surprises lost. House of the Dragon and Fire & Blood will not have that relationship. If you're interested in reading the book in the future, you are strongly advised to read it before the show airs... here's why. (Also, long form post detailing the kind of narrative and lore methods used by Martin in his unreliable narrators, because why not! Should be F&B/HoTD spoiler free, but spoilers for ASOIAF certainly ahead.)

The Unreliable Narrator in Game of Thrones

Unreliable narrators are used often in political or cynically-charged fiction—though they can crop up virtually anywhere. A Song of Ice and Fire honed and sharpened the trope (whereas F&B weaponized it as a bludgeon). The point is to prod readers to dig deeper than surface level of what's on the page—to get them thinking about the plotline and characters more than just while they're reading, and to decipher certain biases POVs might have... but in ASOIAF, these biases were quite subtle. Tyrion and Arya both traveled through the Riverlands at about the same time, and both of them saw the devastation caused by Lannister forces, but Tyrion received it casually in such a nonchalant way that it hardly and rarely processes for the reader, whereas Arya saw it with a horrified, traumatized awe that was intended to leave readers sick and questioning not just the Lannisters' brutality, but Tyrion's ability to normalize such horrors in his own mind. The two have entirely different views of t

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.