[Request] any cheesy PIZZA based jokes? Ham running out of ideas here. Deliver me some puns!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
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A large Russiะฐn company buys a batch of off-road Mercedes trucks...

A large Russian company buys a batch of off-road Mercedes trucks. The deal also includes training of drivers to work with the new equipment. One such Mercedes catches up with an old MAZ truck on the road. At one point the MAZ stopped, then a man with a bucket jumped out of it and scooped some water from a puddle on the road and poured it into the fuel tank. Then he gets in the truck, lights it and sets off. The instructor in the Mercedes, who speaks a little Russiะฐn, asks the driver:

- What's happening?

"It's out of fuel."

"You keep fuel in puddles along the road?"

- No. This is water.

The German was silent for a few minutes and stated:

- The car in front of us is moving with water!

- No! It's moving with diesel!

The instructor decides to make fun of him and is silent until they reach the base. Excited, he goes there and shares with his colleagues what he saw. It turns out that someone else saw the same thing, but he doesn't know Russiะฐn and couldn't ask. He returns to his trainee and continues to question. If MAZ is running on diesel, why did the driver add water to the fuel tank? The Russiะฐn explains to him that the pipe that sucks the diesel is located just a few centimetres above the bottom of the fuel tank. At the moment it stops refuelling, there are another ten litters of diesel in the fuel tank. When water is poured, the level rises, then the diesel, which is lighter, rises from the top and the truck can travel many more kilometres. Amazed by this explanation, the German asks:

"Why don't they put the fuel pipe at the bottom of the tank?"

The Russiะฐn's in shock answers him:

- But what if there is water in the diesel?

Edit: How a MAZ truck looks like - https://youtu.be/roj5Xf55PDU

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/reddymea
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2022
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Is it longer to run from first base to second base, or second base to third base?

Second to third. Because there's a shortstop in the middle.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bepeacock
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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A hiker goes on a pretty rough trail one day in the desert.

He treks his way up the incline at the bottom, slowly getting steeper as he makes his way upward. He eventually reaches the base of a large rock formation, which is much steeper, and makes his way up and around, through a winding trail running along a narrow ledge.

As he reaches the top, he finds a large, relatively flat area, where another hiker is standing near the edge, admiring the landscape. He walks over and stands next to the man, also taking in the view.

The man says to him, "It sure is a gorgeous view from up here, isn't it? The hike is pretty grueling, and you might wanna turn back a few times, but once you get to the top and look out over the whole desert, completely flat and stretching out as far as the eyes can see, you remember why you decided to climb this mountain."

He turns to the man and says, "It sure is, she's a butte."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chirstain
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2022
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Ah I C what you did there
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xxDr-Beckyxx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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What's Forrest Gump's computer password?

1forrest1

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nearly_Mental
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2019
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This happened in double A ballpark.

They had this pig that would take the balls out for foul balls, and it got loose.

Guy hits a ground out single to the middle. Bases loaded 2 outs. Pig runs out to the field and grabs the ball and runs out.

The umpire calls, โ€œItโ€™s inside the pork, home run.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/General_Hyde
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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I was at the Tigers game last night

I was sitting in some beautiful seats, just past third base down on ground level. A good spot for some foul balls.

After several whiffs, one finally gets close enough to my father, which he promptly takes in the ribs instead of catching, and like before, the bat boy runs by to pick up the ball - only this time he doesn't throw it back into the crowd. Makes our whole section upset (that, and all the beer we were drinking) so he gets booed every time he walks by now.

The dad joke, however, comes from the guy behind me.

"That kid better watch out...I'm gonna talk to his dad. Batman!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/d4ed4e
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think itโ€™s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine thereโ€™s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just โ€œlending the team a handโ€ by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fanโ€™s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was โ€œhit by pitchโ€?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ballโ€™s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? Thereโ€™d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesnโ€™t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcherโ€™s dinner?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grumpy_princess
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/reddallthat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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