Why did the movie critic give the cemetery a bad review?

It was full of plot holes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImFlyImPilot17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2022
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When you need to cast a main enemy bad guy for a movie, it seems like Willem DA FOE should be the obvious choice.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Severe-Draw-5979
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2022
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Going to see a really bad movie and then convincing yourself it was good...

Is a floptical delusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmdr_Toucon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2021
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What does maple syrup and a bad romance movie have in common?

They're both sappy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourXenocide1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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Bringing a movie from a local grocery store is a bad idea because it can be adulterated

Adult rated being A rated Adulterated being : render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2021
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Why are pets bad at hosting movie nights?

Because every time they touch the remote they paws it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnowFrostborne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2021
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Did you hear about the movie about the bad fishermen?

It was good, but they had a bad cast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borknight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What did Grandma say when her dentures fell out after watching watching a bad movie?

Hey Grandpa! I need motif!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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"Every war movie has a bad guy named Will. Have you ever noticed that?" Uhhh, no can't say that I have dad. "Yeah, they're always yelling 'Fire at Will'!"

Probably a repost but literally just happened 2 minutes ago and saw my opportunity for a post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hunnie_Boi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
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My brother had a bad reaction to a nut while we were watching a Star Trek movie a while back

The incident is forever referred to as ,

"The Wrath Of Pecan"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeatOfMyDrum15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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I just watched a bad movie about sea thieves.

In a review, I gave it a 3.14 rating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoNumeroJuan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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My internet service was suspended because I gave a movie 3.14 stars on a movie review website.

They said that pi-rating stuff was illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minimum_Box4491
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2022
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Why do bankers make really bad movies?

They’re tellers, not showers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zomghi5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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Super Mario is Japanese, so technically his last name is Mario.

His first name is Itsumi, making him Itsumi Mario

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2022
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Can we take a moment to appreciate the bad puns and (basically) dadjokes in the 007 movies?

Even if he isn't an actual Dad, I still feel a common bond with the man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Critics are split on the new movie about Hiroshima and Nagasaki....

Some people say if the movie does bad, it will bomb. Others think if it does great, it will explode.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zfreakazoidz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2022
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Showed my Dad Warm Bodies the other day, he caught me off guard this time.

If you don't know the movie, there's a scene where the main character (R) is attempting to drive a car and he's starting and stopping because he can't control his limbs fully.

So my dad just quietly goes. "Makes sense, he's got bad motor control."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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[Meta] Dadjokes aren't just puns.

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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How would you like to make my dad’s day, r/dadjokes?

So my dad’s recently been diagnosed with cancer and is now beginning chemo. As a result, he’s gonna have a lot of downtime on his hands. So to cheer him up we’ve (my brother-in-law and I) bought 2 folder-style disc cases that can hold up to 10 movies. We want to fill them with the most dad-joke filled, so bad they’re good, absolute cheesy movies out there. This is where r/dadjokes comes in. The two best lists of 10 movies will be chosen to put in the two cases. Help us r/dadjokes. You’re our only hope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Periwinklerene
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
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Watching the movie "Gravity"

I am a teacher. My students were watching the movie "Gravity." At the end, they were complaining about how bad it was (in terms of the Physics), so I said, "You're right. Gravity just doesn't hold the same weight that it used to."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davedude82
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Kenny Loggins.

It was subtle, and you'll need to know some 80s trivia. It was really bad, but I also think it was pretty clever.

I was driving to Dave and Buster's with my dad, his girlfriend, and my younger siblings when "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins came on the radio.

Dad: "Is this Kenny Loggins? It sounds like him."

Dad's GF: "Yeah, I remember this song. It was before he got big."

Dad: "Ah. He's pretty lucky he cut Footloose, then."

Brother: "What's Footloose?"

Dad's GF: "It was a movie that came out when-"

Me: "Wait... Dammit, Dad."

Dad's GF: "What? ... Oh, God. Really, Chris? Really?"

He spent the rest of the 45 minute ride giggling like a schoolgirl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZTheJerk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
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It's worth the read!

I should preface this by saying this was on of the best dates I've ever been on, but the relationship also subsequently fell apart because of it.

Anyway, a few years ago, my girlfriend and I had been going out for a few months, and things were great. I met her through a mutual friend of mine at the hospital, weirdly enough. Our friend had gotten in a very bad accident and had to get a glass eye. He would always dab it with cotton to stop the bleeding at the beginning. Anyway, this is all relevant because my girlfriend (not girlfriend at the time) bonded over how disgusting our friends eye was. This got us to talking, and before you know it, we started going out. Things got pretty serious months and months down the line, and I was just laid off from my job. This meant that in general, we would go on cheaper dates. Nothing too drastic. Just like a movie and dinner instead of say the Opera and a fancy five star restaurant.

So, about a year and a half into the relationship, Joe, the mutual friend of ours, suggests a double date with us and his girlfriend. He knew the situation I was in and offered to pay for the whole thing. Great right? Well... no. I was actually planning on proposing to my girlfriend. Except Joe suggested the plans in front of my girlfriend too, so she accepted for both of us. I didn't want to propose to her on a double date, so I pulled her aside and told her to just skip the date and come over instead. Joe had bought us all tickets to a baseball game, and believe it or not, my girlfriend chose the baseball game instead of me. I stayed home alone as she went out with Joe and his girlfriend. Moral of the story is, if it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd been married a long time ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/herper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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From my uncle

My uncle took my friend and me to a movie. On the way in, my friend told a joke that wasn't that funny (I don't remember the joke now). I made fun of him for telling such a bad joke and my friend said "Hey, I'm pretty funny." My uncle replied with "looks aren't everything."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RNAwins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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My girlfriend's dad pulled this one out while we were watching the Hobbit

We were watching the movie when my girlfriend made a comment about Bilbo not wearing shoes.

Her dad said, "I guess he has a bad Hobbit of not wearing shoes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AngryhamLincoln
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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Boyfriend's Dad is the punny-est

Bf's Uncle: I didn't like the movie Gravity. It wasn't bad, just a little boring.

Bf's Dad: So Gravity didn't draw you in?


Bf's Dad: I haven't eaten goat meat since I was a kid

Cue me dying laughing while my boyfriend struggles to understand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alohomorgan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Dad joked while watching Superbad.

I made the mistake of watching Superbad with my parents in high school. Once we were maybe 10-15 minutes in my dad shut it off and said this:

"That movie was super bad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackiemX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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Dad's new ringtone

So my dad got a new ringtone for his phone a few months back. It's the theme from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." Great movie, great tune.

However.

EVERY time my dad's phone rings now, it is inevitably followed by, "Excuse me, guys. I believe Mr. Eastwood is calling."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilliamBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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I dadjoked my GF at 50 Shades of Grey.

We were both in a giddy mood because of how bad the movie was. It was more comical than anything else. This was the highlight of the night.

Christian Grey: "What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow." I lean over and whisper to my gf: "Eating breakfast" smh!

Hated the movie, but felt super proud of myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahiya1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
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Dads catching fire.

Talking about Jennifer Lawrence cutting her hair, thinking maybe for a movie role. "Heh. Heh. She caught fire "

Telling him about r/dadjokes "I can make more. Bad jokes too!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShellyMarsh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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When you need to cast a main enemy bad guy for a movie, it seems like…

…Willem DA FOE should be the obvious choice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Severe-Draw-5979
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2022
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The power went out in my building and when I asked what happened, the maintenance guy said, β€œThe Transformers blew.”

I said, β€œYeah, it was a bad movie, but what’s that got to do with the power?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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