I don’t know why I love bad puns so much...

It’s just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pellersheila
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Bad, but I love it!
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elarandra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What to you call a gentleman with bad hygiene that loves to tell puns?

Pungent

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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I dont know why dad jokes get a bad rap, women love them.

Otherwise they'd be called bachelor jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umbrella_merc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I once fell in love with a bad electrician

Yeah when we locked eyes Sparks flew

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCrusher309
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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I love to cook spaghetti, but am really bad at serving... it's a real mission in-pasta-bowl.

I really noodle get better at it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patentpunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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I'm bad at math. I love it, but I know my limits.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahhvin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.

They could call it Flexus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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A bad joke my dad loves re-telling

I'll give him credit he does have a lot of good jokes but he loves re-telling this stupid one.

A telemarketer calls a house and a little boy answers

The telemarketer asks if he can speak to the boys parents

The boy replies "they're busy"

The telemarketer asks if there are any other adults around

The little boy replies "Yes my neighbour is here too"

"Well can I talk to them?"

The little boy replies "No he's busy"

The telemarketer is getting frustrated

"Is there someone else around?"

The little boy replies "Yes a police-man"

"Can I speak to him please?"

Again the little boy replies "no he's busy"

The telemarketer gives up and asks

"Why is everyone busy? What are they doing?"

The boy replies "Looking for me"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/INFEKTEK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher.

No idea why the school hired him.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said β€œShe obviously has COVID!” β€œWhy would you think that?” I asked.

β€œBecause she has no taste.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What works faster than a calculator?

A calcu-now.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowlemonie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.

Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnakehoundXE
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

You need to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gomass4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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To get to the time machine.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks

I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!

Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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What genre are national anthems?

Country.

πŸ‘︎ 30k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rupanath97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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No one in Antarctica has COVID-19

It's because they are ice-o-lated.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What odd number is no longer odd when you remove a letter?

Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even.

Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago.

I’ve never been more proud.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/platypus_eyes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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Broke up with my girlfriend after telling her I loved her.

She told me she loves U2, I just can't be with someone with a bad taste in music.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoweRz-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Life’s a beach
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_I_D_G_A_F_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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German children are kinder
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pogo_hobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm jt would be justwater.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domadomdom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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If you boil a funnybone...

You get a laughingstock.

Which is humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 395
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineersAnon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Dad, showing me his pinky : "Did you know that the Chinese don't have that finger ?" Me : "What ? No." Dad : "wanna know why ?" Me: "yeah"

It's because it's MY pinky.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sthymia20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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It’s probably not safe for me to be driving this car right now.

But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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My girlfriend started lying to me because of all my bad jokes.

We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.

A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.

She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.

We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.

I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.

But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.

The worst part is that she lied to me for the first time in all these years. I felt like I just couldn't trust her anymore and everything I thought I knew about her as a person just became questionable. I need your advice on how to react to this huge lie...

She told me she's Sorry, but I know for a FACT that her name is Diane.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/filiprogic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.

It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Donald Trump is reportedly banning the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwawayn019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they are.

It was Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years. "This is Beth." I said, introducing my kid. "And what's Beth short for?" he asked.

"Because she's only three." I answered.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makka-pakka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Nobody is perfect
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhFlummery
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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Potterheads Assemble!

Fleur Fudge's Snape, how many times must I say that I Love-good Harry Potter Puns. I could Mun-go on and on. I don't wand you to feel bad tho.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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My son said he wanted to become a pyromancer.

I told him it's much easier to woo a cake.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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If you’re Russian to the bathroom then what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagiKarpess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Watching the Olympics with my Wife

She asked about the girl on screen getting ready for her routine: "Is she Russian?"

To which I replied : "No she's taking her time"

The eye roll was fantastic.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrono32123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanTheG999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why i loves bad puns so much.

It’s just how eye roll i guess

πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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You know, I really do love bad puns.

It’s just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bucci29
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw water on a flamingo the other day

Now it's just an o

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goosifer999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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