"Tell him I've already got one!"
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
He was an investi-gator.
Or it could be just a hunch
Because they were all married but you
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
It was a shih tzu
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
None, as the rest clapped and cheered.
Pelikinesis is a real thing.
These men were the founding fathers.
I'm stuck in limbo.
They're naming it dinomite
Me being half baked asked how else would he get to his room?
Awkward silence for about 5 seconds then the dealer starts laughing and then everyone else. I got complimented on my dad joke.
I’m not dad, I’m just baked.
It was nuts.
There was this heavy dresser and my dad said “Let’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said “Id rather lift it”
He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.
Bug responds: “I mite be.”
Fly: “Stupidest Pun I Ever Heard”
Bug: “What do you expect... I made it up on the fly”
...Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
My friend was wearing a t-shirt with some wording on the back. One of the words had the letter b in it. His uncle slapped him on the back and said "sorry, there was a b on your back". All I could think was, "this guy gets it, he knows humor"
And I said, “Isn’t that a bit on the nose?”
Me: I don't remember hiring anyone
One was broken I said "that's a pane" many groans were exchanged
Curses, foiled again.
"Well, it's in bread."
http://i.imgur.com/7jW91R7.jpg
