Cardi O
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
Amazon Prime day is on the 21st. I personally would not partake of Prime day unless it were on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th, 11th, 13th, 17th, 19th, 23rd, 29th, or 31st
Me: Well… what do we do now?
Wife: I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Me: Hm... I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
I'll probably screw it up.
Happy No L!
Because they're all not 'C's.
..a duel meaning.
José
"Thats a D, idiot."
Theoretical Fizz-ics
..Desparate to win her back.
We are currently filming the pilot
It’s called, “Making the Little Things Count”
or sew it's seams....
We've just released our Greatest Shit album.
He looked at me and said, "Me? How."
I met her online.
But then I saw her face.
Its days are numbered
B: 'cause this is nacho cheese
I didn't do anything to deserve it.
At some point, we'll have to draw the line
You might say it's a gift.
She will be so happy when she finds out I ordered a new one.
But at the door there was a sign saying no chocolate allowed. M&M hesitates.
"Hey guys, I might skip this one. I'm a chocolate. I'll catch you guys later" Skittle and Jelly Bean protest. "Nah man, you'll be fine, you're candy on the outside. Come in with us, it'll be fun!" Says his cousin Skittle. "Yeah, if anyone has a problem with you, we'll look after you" says Jelly Bean.
M&M decides he will go in, encouraged by his friends. They all have a good time, and no one mentions anything about M&M being chocolate on the inside.
The night is going well then suddenly the front door bangs open and in walks Vick and his gang of vapour drops. The party goes quiet as Vick surveys the room. His eyes stop on M&M.
"What the fuck are you doing M&M? Can't fucking read the sign? No chocolate allowed."
"But I'm candy on the outside, it's OK, right guys?" Protests M&M weakly. Jelly Bean and Skittle back off into the shadows, leaving M&M by himself.
" I think we need to teach this smart ass chocolate a fucking lesson, let's take this outside." Says Vick.
The vapor drops grab M&M and drag him outside and start beating him up, cracking his shell through to his chocolate. The gang walk away leaving M&M barely conscious on the lawn.
The next day in hospital, Jelly Bean and Skittle come to visit their friend, feeling bad for him. "Why didn't you guys stick up for me?" Asks M&M. "Man, you know Vick, there was nothing we could do, he's fucking menthol."
The old man replies, "YOU'RE scared?! I'm the one that has to walk back alone!"
…….except at a funeral.
Cardi-O
Got any tips you can share?
Doctor's say, I'm Basmatic.
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
But so far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!
What do you call a loaf of bread that is shaped like a jelly fish?
A Invertabread.
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
Damn!
I just majorly fucked up.
