Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, EXCEPT one
He's never gonna give you "Up"
I'd like to meet the dentist that would handle this
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Dad says, "I can speak every language except Greek!"
Child asks him a question in French. Dad replies, "Hmmm. That sounds Greek to me."
My diet made me lose my love handles
Now I have no control over my relationship.
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
Researchers Say King Tut Was Exceptional At At The Trumpet
But If You Ask Me, He Was Just Tootin’ Common
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
I am a mom but, here goes
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
Know your ABC's kids (Except for Guwucci, he sucks)
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
Did you know that Shakespeare wasn't just an amazing playwright? He also made exceptional wigs!
His shop name? Toupee or Not Toupee.
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
One of my friends told me he was opening a clothing store that sold everything except for hats.
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
I ordered a self help tape called, "How to handle disappointment."...
When the package came....the box was empty.
My wife said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles...
I said she'll look stupid without any ears 👂
I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
I like all Ghibli movies, except for Howl's Moving Castle.
What do call a bike trail that shows no empathy.
I can’t handle going camping with my friend anymore...
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
I'm holding a 17th Century Party, and all the Enlightenment thinkers can swing by - except one.
Two big girls walk into a bar
Two big girls walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies *"Wales!"*
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
My kids keep playing with my love handles
It's their favorite roll playing game.
Never drink with ghosts...
they can't handle their boos.
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
If you're a flapjack and you need to go pee you maple the 3rd handle
Except when he's with a gun.....then he'd be gunning
My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
Some jerk pointed at the butt of an exceptionally furry donkey and asked me what it was.
I said "That's a hairy ass ass ass, ass!"
Every Zodiac sign has it’s own significant hairstyle
The Office sent out an automated message to all the junk emails that they were getting
Dunder Mifflin this is spam
If you live in America, then you're an American except when you're in the bathroom
I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Me: I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Teenager: (Sarcastic) And aren't you proud of it?
Me: Flushed with success.
My doorknob was broken
But I handled the situation.
My girlfriend hit her knee on a drawer handle
I heard my girlfriend from the kitchen say "Ow!"
I walked in and said "what happened?"
She said pointed to a drawer handle and said "I knee'd this"
I said, "Well, I can get you more"
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
I heard the catering on the Star Wars movies was exceptional. An admirable snackbar.
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
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