But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Because it's his weakend
So I finally went to IKEA to buy another
Sometimes I canβt help but kink shame
Can you believe I use to weigh 7lbs 4oz
When I told my wife she assured me that I shouldnβt be ashamed of my shortcomings.
He'll just Babylon for hours about it.
That made me feel really good.
I canβt say I blame her; I feel so ashamedβ¦
I wouldnβt be surprised if she never plays Scrabble with me again.
He didn't want people to know that he passed highschool with difficulty.
Because there are four quartz to a galleon.
That's your parents job
Wife: "Why are you shouting?"
Me: "Because you're on the other side of the road. "
He still has the right to remain silent.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I will SEE myself out
My 3 year old daughter recently began to ask questions about everything - before she just went on with our routine.
Today we told her we should go get some lunch. She said "what is lunch?" - as in, "what are we having for lunch?"
I went on to to explain to her what lunch is; at what time it's had, how it is placed in the mouth with utensils, how the food is chewed, etc.
She just stared at me with a blank face of utter confusion. I can't wait until she starts to get these and actually finds them annoying.
True story: today at work, I was getting ready to discharge a patient from the recovery room after surgery, and I asked βhow do you feel?β
Without hesitation he replied βwith my fingersβ and the old guy in the next bay chuckled and yelled βgood one!β
They were all stuck with stalagtights
yes, I actually came up with that, and I'm ashamed.
It's the one with the wee calf (Scottish dad joke)
Friend A, while pulling up his pants in aggravation, said, "I need to get a belt."
I responded, "I have an extra belt if you need it. I've actually been meaning to throw it away."
Without hesitation, Friend B chimed in with, "...but he didn't want it to go to waste."
I ran over to see if I could help and saw as she was sitting there on the pavement, she had tears in her eyesβ¦. Whether they were tears of pain or maybe embarrassment it was hard to tell, but she was either so angry or so ashamed that she was actually trying to rip the fabric that caused her to fall! But, she just couldnβtβ¦
After all, bad habits ARE hard to breakβ¦ π€·π»ββοΈ
This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.
So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.
anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.
That's when I thought:
"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"
but I didn't want to go out on a limb.
It saw the salad dressing.
Swat sticks, ahh
We had begun a section on 'change management', and to prove his point, the facilitator challenged us to try to name one thing that does not involve change.
I proudly shouted out "A CREDIT CARD!"
He looks at me and asks, "A... credit card?"
I reply, "Yes. There is no change when paying with a credit card..."
I mean, there just remarkable!
To which I replied..."So your intention is just to fiddle with it?"
Ten tickles
Me: Take that sticker off your shirt before you put it in the hamper.
Daughter: I'll put it on a piece of paper to save it for tomorrow.
Me: Throw it away, it won't be sticky tomorrow. By then it will just be an "-er".
