A couple of guys robbed an art gallery, but then their van wouldn't start...
Because they didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
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︎ Dec 15 2021
I was starting a piece of art but I didnβt like how it was turning out.
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︎ Jan 12 2022
I've mastered the art of sitting down using just one word.
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︎ Dec 11 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
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︎ Jan 05 2022
Did you about the gold digger who dated an art collector?
She was only with him for the Monet
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︎ Dec 24 2021
If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
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︎ Jan 09 2022
I was never good at art at school.
I couldn't even draw a blank.
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︎ Dec 27 2021
I heard companies have been hiring a lot of art graduates as data storage managers
Makes sense. They can never have too many professional drawers
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︎ Oct 31 2021
How did the culinary arts teacher make sure their students were on track?
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︎ Dec 29 2021
I took my son to the art gallery, and he seemed to have a great time! He was not only impressed by the art, but also what was holding itβ¦..
I guess you could say he was easel-y amused!
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︎ Dec 22 2021
What's the opposite of a croissant?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 09 2022
Why is 6 afraid of 7 (this punchline is actually different)?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Dec 31 2021
Buzzkill
π︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 28 2021
Iβm sick of all NSEW jokes on here
I think itβs time to move in a new direction.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 16 2021
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
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︎ Dec 16 2021
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
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︎ Jan 03 2022
Did you hear about the art expert that broke his friend out of prison?
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︎ Oct 07 2021
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tilesβ¦
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
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︎ Dec 29 2021
Letβs see what your made of Mike!
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 24 2021
What is the capital of Poland?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 04 2021
I wore a kilt to my first therapy appointment today. Within seconds of sitting down to talk, the therapist told me I was mentally ill
His exact words were "I can clearly see your nuts"
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︎ Jan 08 2022
2 guys walk into a bar with their wives and ask for 2 pints of Stella and 2 "girly" drinks
Bartender: 'So that's 4 pints of Stella?'
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︎ Dec 22 2021
Lord of the Rings (Background sets not included)
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.
Someone garnished my wages.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 29 2021
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...
...putting their case together.
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︎ Dec 30 2021
If Banksy made a series of street art on one street without permission?
He probably would name it a...
...illegalery.
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︎ Aug 22 2021
Quite a lot of money
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 18 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
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︎ Dec 17 2021
Hey- itβs come to our attention that some of you who are posting here arenβt actually dads. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad.
π︎ 7k
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︎ Dec 02 2021
Puns the words out of me
π︎ 6k
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︎ Dec 02 2021
What is the opposite of telekinesis?
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︎ Jan 03 2022
The pit ofβ¦
π︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 18 2021
I got arrested by the Department of Animal Welfare for trying to acquire several crows to raise as pets.
They charged me with attempted murder.
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︎ Jan 09 2022
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.
There were a lot of red flags.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 19 2021
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
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︎ Dec 27 2021
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
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︎ Dec 08 2021
One of the best gifts I got for Christmas this year is a whiteboard for my office.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 07 2022
I bought a belt off of Amazon from a company called Orion. I was hoping it would be the best belt I'd ever owned, but it was just so-so.
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︎ Jan 08 2022
My local art museum got in a new exhibit.
Itβs called βunder the bleachersβ by Seymour Butts. It definitely more captivating than the last exhibit βSpots on the Wallβ by Hu Flung-Pu
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︎ Dec 15 2021
Too many of them...
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 03 2021
If sweet dreams are made of cheeseβ¦
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 26 2021
My wife has accused me of stealing her thesaurusβ¦
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 23 2021
My 7yo came up with this gem: βWhat kind of candy does a sidewalk eat?β
π︎ 11k
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︎ Nov 17 2021
An egg and a piece of bacon walk into a bar....
...bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve breakfast here"
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 28 2021
What did Adam say to his GF on the 24th of December?
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︎ Dec 18 2021
This has probably been posted before but I canβt find any posts of it right now
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︎ Dec 30 2021
Letβs see how many of us remember biology 101β¦
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︎ Nov 03 2021
Why did the art thief's van run out of fuel?
He had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
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︎ Oct 06 2021
Why did the art thiefβs van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
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︎ Aug 25 2021
What kind of Dr. is Dr. Pepper?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 24 2021
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