My ex actually has 3 spirit animals:

Lion, Ass, Cheetah

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My brother took a test to see his animal spirit...

He couldn't bear the results

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bro-mine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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My spirit animal is the crocodile

I live in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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What's Donald Trumps spirit animal?

A Wall-rus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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While I was ripping a big juicy fart on the plane I figured out my 4yr old son’s spirit animal...

Scapegoat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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My spirit animal
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasamson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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A salutary lesson. Posted to r/jokes, probably more Dad-like

Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.

One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.

It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.

The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.

The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_jq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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Super Bowl Sunday

During the Super Bowl there was another football game being played: big animals vs small animals. After the first half the big animals were crushing the small animals. Nevertheless, the coach of the small animals gave a rousing halftime speech to keep spirits high.

The second half begins and the small animals are on defense. On first down the elephant is stopped for no gain. Then on second down the rhino is stopped for no gain. Finally on third down the hippo is sacked for a five yard loss.

After the series, the coach gathers the defense on the sideline and says, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"That was me," responses the centipede.

"And what about the rhino on second down?" the coach continues.

Again the centipede responds, "That was me too, coach."

Lastly the coach asks who sacked the elephant.

Yet again the centipede takes credit.

The amazed coach says, "Well where were you the first half?"

"I was getting my ankles taped."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Midwest_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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