So my mom is angry at me because I'm on the computer all day

Mom: All you do is sit on the computer!

Me: No Mom, I sit on the chair.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icyweather55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today...

His mom got really angry!

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ES_FTrader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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Traveling Evangelical Geese...

My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.

I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:

I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.

(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PupperPuppet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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My mom falls for this every time I come home

ME: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

ME: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

ME: No, it was with a knife...

My mom stares at me confused and then gets angry, while my dad grins from ear to ear, with a single tear of pride.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimothy_Riggins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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β€œLook! A man wearing a dress!” – Father’s Day story

When I was about 5 years old, my dad told the greatest dad joke. He’d be driving the family through our neighborhood and would say β€œLook! A man wearing a dress!” My siblings and I would look around and laugh with my dad. We loved when he would say this (it was like an absurd scavenger hunt) but my mother absolutely hated it. β€œWhere? What are you talking about Tom?!” She actually got angry since she couldn’t see the man wearing a dress either. Since he would do this on a semi-regular basis to make us laugh, it became a problem with my mom and she ended up getting so angry as to forbid him saying it ever again.

I never really understood what was going on since I was so young, but I really missed the man wearing a dress joke. At one point, I thought the joke referenced a nearby business with a kilted man for a mascot. A few years ago, I asked my dad what the joke was.

β€œOh! It wasn’t the sign,” he told me. β€œWe had a family in the neighborhood with the last name β€˜Manwaring’. When we would drive by their house, I’d point at their mailbox and say β€˜Look, a Manwaring address!’”

I was too young to read at the time so it took 20 years to be in on his brilliant pun.

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simserialkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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A boy goes to the strip club.

His mom gets angry and asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My dad and I were having an argument.

When I was four years old, my dad and I got into an argument over who should get the remote control. Because I was significantly smaller and younger, my dad won the argument. I was angry, so I walked my little four year old behind to my grandma's house that was across the street. Grandma wasn't home, but the door was never locked, so I made myself a poptart and proceeded to watch nickelodeon until my mom got home from church. Once I had my fill of fruity pastry and child entertainment I walked back to my house where my mom was screaming at my father. "How could you let a four year old just go like that? Unsupervised!". My dad was silent. My mother continued, " it's like you don't care at all about me or our children!" Still nothing from dad. "Well this is the last straw!" my mom shouted, "I'm leaving you! Do you have anything to say for yourself?" My dad spoke softly, "hi leaving you, I'm dad."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Risky_milk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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Purple flasters?

One day a boy was playing with his friends when they got into an argument.

His friend finally said, "Oh yeah! I hear you mom likes giant purple flasters!"

Confused the young boy went home. In the kitchen he saw his mom and he asked her, "Mom. What is a purple flaster?"

His mom blushed and got angry. "Where did you hear that? Don't ever ask me that again.! If you want to know go ask your father!"

Now really confused the boy goes to the garage and finds his father. " Dad, I asked mom a question but she said I should talk to you. What's a purple flaster?"

His dad throws blushes and says, "Who told you about that.... you shouldn't be asking me that.... if you want to know that you should go talk to Father Flannigan at the church."

So the boy jumps on his bike and rides to the church. He goes inside and finds Father Flannnigan. "Father I am really confused. I asked Mom and Dad about purple flasters but they got made and would not tell me. They said I should talk to you about it."

Father Flannigan replied, "Ah dear boy you are to young to know about such things... come back in a year and I will tell you all about it."

So the boy still confused jumps on his bike and heads for home..... ad he crosses the street.... BAM! He gets hit by a truck.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before you cross the street.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AaronKClark
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
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It didn't help after all.

My wife, son, and I are watching a ball game downstairs in the man cave. As I get up to go to the fridge....

Son: Hey Dad, grab Mom another Angry Orchard.

Me: Sure, maybe it will help me get in cider.

(Wife facepalms)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chemngineer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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My dad swooped in for the killing blow today

My mom said she was making Indian food tonight, including naan. I asked if she had all the "naan-essentials." She made an angry noise. "Sorry," I said, "was that a naan-sequitor?"

My dad happened to walk in just then. "Punish him!" my mom said to him.

"What? Why?"

"He keeps making puns!" My dad paused for a moment.

"Sounds like he's the one pun-ishing you."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WasabiofIP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Crosswords.

Mom: 'I think I'll take my crossword book'

Dad: 'why are the words so angry with you?'

Room: 'groans'

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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Christmas dad joke

My family needed to rearrange the furniture to make room for our Christmas tree.

Dad: "It's Christmas it will only be for a few weeks. then the furniture will go back"

Mom: "But what if we like it this way then we can keep it like this all year"

Dad: "Really? a Christmas tree all year?"

My dad and I almost cry laughing and my mom just sulks there angry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMAhumannumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today.

His mom got really angry.

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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