Aha..ha..he
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mythoclast-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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How do you fix a broken pizza?

With tomato paste.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Heard there's a virus going around turning people into crows

They call it CORVID-19

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedForkKnife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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What do you call it when two ancient Egyptians fart at the same time?

Toot in common

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoldMyDirrk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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A guy in work asked why my son had given up his flying lessons.

I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbounce74
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Told a dark joke to an atom today, but it didn't really find it funny.

Turns out it was no laughing matter.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/___-o_o-___
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.

The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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A dumb man walked into a bicycle shop

He picked up a wheel and spoke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rjanulous
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, β€œShouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

β€œDon’t worry,” said the doc. β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 489
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?

Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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This sub is a joke and here's why

"why"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seamachine
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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Don’t spell part backwards

It’s a trap

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynrui
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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If you wrap up your fan...

...it becomes a sealing fan.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdvantaJeous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Never thought they would nerf the Scar
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nnamregnaH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches?

Because then it would be a foot!

(Credit - The Last of Us)

πŸ‘︎ 624
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvertedBear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
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My six year old sister is a freaking genius

I was trying to cook an egg in the microwave because I’m extremely lazy, and it (unsurprisingly) exploded.

So she looks at the exploded egg, looks at me and then says: β€œ aha, it eggsploded ”

πŸ‘︎ 286
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shwifty_me
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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So a magician was walking down the street, then he turns into a grocery store.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumber__Zach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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I'm furious that all these replacement parts I bought for my water bottle only damaged it more.

This was the last straw that broke the CamelBak.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
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My dad was carving a chicken...

He started carving it, then got to the legs. He chopped one off and loudly said 'AHA! YOUR GOING NOWHERE NOW!'

Sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 464
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrRagingMammoth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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What did the clock do when it was hungry

It went back fo(u)r seconds.

aha aha aha

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwacy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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Just got "Dad joked" by my 4 year old

Me: I really want to get a big bulldog one day. Daughter: daddy, you can't get a big bulldog! Me: why not? Daughter because they're too "ruff"

(she even gave me the "aha" face like she knew the pun she was making. I was one proud dad)

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajkilpatrick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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There’s two monkeys in a bath

One of them goes β€œooh ooh ooh ah aha ah ah”, the other says β€œwell put some bleeding cold in then!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJuiceAlibi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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I Treat My Dog Like A Son

Whenever I have to go outside and let him take care of business I always ask him if he is an American.

After a blank stare and no response I always go, "Aha! European!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polostring
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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Coworker got my other coworker

I work at a pub and this was after hours when we were cleaning up.

Coworker 1: "Some guy tried to headbutt me tonight because I asked him to move whilst i was mopping"

Coworker 2: "Aha, what a nutter!"

Groans were had.

Not sure if it's just a UK thing, but 'nutting' someone is slang (I think) for headbutting someone.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenehh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
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Got my girlfriend as we cooked last night

We were making tuna steaks for dinner, and she was looking for a particular pan in my cabinet.

Gf: "where's that deep frying pan.. aha!" (She found it mid sentence)

Me: "I believe it's pronounced ahi"

I could feel the stare she gave me without looking at her.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mossybeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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Driving around looking to park somewhere...

Im reading some license plates when i see one from Idaho (thats bizarre for Connecticut) and so i say "Idaho? that's-" before i could say anything else my dad shouts out "AHA! I KNEW IT!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomdigity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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