A list of puns related to "A.U.E."
Irritable vowel syndrome.
I went to the doctor and he said i have irritable vowel syndrome.
Because they're all not 'C's.
Irritable Vowel Syndrome
Happy No L!
I have no idea where he picked up this vowel language.
Turns out I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.
So later I can have a nice big vowel movement. 😎 Affectionately, Dad
Doctor says I have irritable vowel syndrome.
The priest then turned to her.
"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
I wonder Y
But the Abu-Dhabi-Do!
Focusing on the nicely lit up deer decorations on their lawn, I asked my kids, “How much do you think those deer weigh?” From the back seat: “I don’t know” and “Who cares?” and “What are you talking about?” Me: “I’m just saying, they look pretty light.”
Halloween is approaching and I am making some punny tombstone decorations, in the spirit of Disney's Haunted Mansion cemetery. I thought it would be fun to collect some new ones from the reddit community. Here are Disney's crypt puns. Please share any additional ones that you can come up with.
‘yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’
So with his best effort the boy replies ‘A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’
The teacher says ‘very good but what happened to the P?’
‘Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’
Picture it. June, 1971. London.
Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.
Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.
Nothing can spoil this evening.
Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.
A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.
Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.
It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.
Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.
Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"
The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least £4,500 (£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.
The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M
... keep reading on reddit ➡>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<
y-o-u-r n-a-m-e
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.
What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡The wife and I were discussing how well our son was doing with learning his vowels.
Me: I've heard him say A, E, and I, now he just needs to get O and U.
Wife: He's also saying Y, have you heard him say that yet?
Me: Sometimes.
A.I.O. They would leave E U.
The secuity woman asked "how do you spell your last name?"
So I replied Y-O-U-R-L-A-S-T-N-A-M-E.
She typed it into the system and was about to submit it when she noticed. She was so mad.
As we were walking in people kept staring because Dad wouldn't stop yelling. He kept shouting,"A, E, I, O, U!" After he met with the doctor, we got the diagnosis.. Apparently he had lost all control of his vowels..
Because E.T. flew off in a U.F.O, and the C.I.A chased after him.
… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
Last night at a restaurant, my son started to spell out things he wanted. Wether it was to annoy us, or keep my 4 year old daughter in the dark on the different kinds of ice cream, he succeeded on both fronts. Anyways, my wife goes "Enough, stop!". And he proceeds to go " e-n-o-u-g-h s-t-o-p". Then I chime in and say "one more time, and your in trouble, you are very annoying, use your words".
After a blank look on his face for a few seconds, the kind he and I both get when we are plotting something, he looks at me and simply says..... " Okay"
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
"A E I O U... and sometimes, 'why?'"
My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.
Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"
Son "Yes!"
Wife " Tell me what the letters are"
Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"
Me "Was that his first dad joke?"
Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.
Me and 2 7 year olds (one my daughter's brother): boy 1:What's your last name? Me: (say last name) boy 2: Spell it. Me: "I-T" Boy 1: "Nooooo spell your last name." Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-M-E" both boys: Argh! Boy 1: Ok what's your last name. Me: (say last name) Boy 1: Spell that. Me: "T-H-A-T" Boy 2: Noooo spell your last naaaaame. Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-A-A-A-M-E" Boy 1: Ok, say your last name Me: Your last name. Boy 1: noooooo say your last name Me: Your last name.
I kept them going for a good 5 minutes before they figured out "spell (my last name)" Quite amusing.
edit: second time I misspelled the title. It's supposed to say "this was fun"
My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.
Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?
Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.
Me: What?
Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!
Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]
Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.
Me: groaning intensifies
Fiancé: We need to pick our vows still!
Me: A, E, I, O, or U?
Both turn in Unison: Dad Jokes!
She's getting good at identifying them quick.
Me: "I think spell check has ruined my ability to spell carefully."
Dad: "C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y"
Ughhhh daaaaaadddd
Because it had Irritable Vowel Syndrome
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
No-el no-L
Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.
Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?
Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Bourgeoisie.
Home A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
No home o
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