A. B. and C. Puns

Plastic explosives

Everything else is D-classified

Boy-ant-C!

Because they were Nazis

So, they letter in.

The real fish will be labeled A, B, and C.

The fake one will be the D Koi

It's simple to determine it. Take any photo of 4 koi fish, and 3 of them are obviously real. Label them A, B, and C.

And the remaining one is the D koi.

Edit: Fine 🙄. Credit to u/diviken for this video.

I had a dream the other night where I got myself and some buddies good tickets, in row B to a baseball game. So we’re making our way to the seats, but we can see that the bottom two rows of seats are completely submerged in water. The game is still going on as normal, but we have to take it in from the stairs. I looked at my buddies and said “Boys I’m sorry, this isn’t what I had in mind when I bought seats below C level”.

It's to protect against predators. When they're attacked, Koi A, B, and C travel in one direction.

The other one is the D koi.

It's so the A-koi, the B-koi, and the C-koi can get away since predators always go after the D-koi.

The setup: I tell a victim (I mostly did that to women) that I just learned about an interesting personality test. Then I tell her to list all her senses (hearing, sight, etc) and that from the order in which she lists them I can infer some of her character traits. Once she’s done, I go - the list you gave tells me something very important about you, namely that you have difficulty understanding jokes… (pause, perplexed expression on a victim’s face) b/c you didn’t list a sense of humor…

I’ve got a lot of groans and some good laughs out of them ladies :) The only difficulty is keeping a straight face throughout)

The A-Tales were about God

The B-Tales were about Moses

The C-Tales were about Jesus

And the devil is in the D-tales.

So I turned around and started “A, B, C….”

Obvious alternate ending: So I turned around said, “the alphabet.”

Choose your own adventure.

A head chef of a famous restaurant bought in three sheeps named A, B and C.

The head chef puts a pumpkin on A, says to the sous chef, "if you put a pumpkin on A, it does nothing"

Again, the same thing happens with B. Nothing.

But when the head chef puts the pumpkin on C, it suddenly stood on its hind legs, goes to the kitchen, and starts cooking a gourmet meal while cursing at the kitchen staff.

Now the head chef calmly turned to the sous chef and says, "Now do you see what happens when you put a gourd on ram C in the kitchen?"

^(A), ^(B), and ^(C) walk into a bar.

Barman says "we don't serve your type in here".

Why did A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z all get sent to the principal's office?

Because they were naughty! (Not "E")

Pulled this on my wife on a road trip

Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together

Me: Imma A!

Wife: Imma not A (confused)

Me: Imma B!

Wife: Imma not B

Me: Imma C!

Wife: Imma not C

Me: You're a WHAT?!

She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles

...but in case you don't:

that pronoun (1) \ ˈt͟hat , t͟hət
plural those\ ˈt͟hōz
Definition of that

(Entry 1 of 5) 1a : the person, thing, or idea indicated, mentioned, or understood from the situation that is my father b : the time, action, or event specified after that I went to bed c : the kind or thing specified as follows the purest water is that produced by distillation d : one or a group of the indicated kind that's a cat—quick and agile 2a : the one farther away or less immediately under observation or discussion those are maples and these are elms b : the former one 3a —used as a function word after and to indicate emphatic repetition of the idea expressed by a previous word or phrase he was helpful, and that to an unusual degree b —used as a function word immediately before or after a word group consisting of a verbal auxiliary or a form of the verb be preceded by there or a personal pronoun subject to indicate emphatic repetition of the idea expressed by a previous verb or predicate noun or predicate adjective is she capable? She is that

4a : the one : the thing : the kind : something, anything the truth of that which is true the senses are that whereby we experience the world what's that you say b those plural : some persons those who think the time has come

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

B, Because it comes between a and c

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

“I c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, “You let your guard down”

So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"

I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"

After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"

To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"

That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her

A chef entered his kitchen one day struggling with holding onto a large pumpkin. He noticed three male sheep standing next to his oven. One of them had a collar on him with the letter “A” written on it. The second had a collar with “B” and the third had “C.” The chef didn’t know what to do with the sheep, and they were standing in front of the only place he could put the pumpkin down. He put the pumpkin on the first sheep’s head and nothing happened. He then put it on the second sheep’s head and again, nothing happened. He then put it on the third sheep’s head, and immediately the sheep started cooking a gourmet meal and swearing at anyone who passed by him.

That’s what happens when you put a gourd on ram C in the kitchen.

"The earliest example of a prosthesis ever discovered is not a leg, arm, or even a fake eye, it’s a toe. A big toe, belonging to a noblewoman, was found in Egypt and dated to between 950-710 B.C.E"

...the very, very first faux toe ;)

Non pun related, the egyptians were the first to grind lenses too, not used as glasses but instead inserted into statues for creepy eye effects

Right after a large chicken dinner, my wife and I were sitting on the couch letting everything digest. A little flirting commenced, but we knew it wasn't going anywhere immediately b/c we were stuffed.

Wife: maybe a little later. Me: oh, is there a 2 hour wait between chicken and pork?

The groan was deafening. I regret nothing.

A.) Collaborate and listen
B.) In the name of love
C.) Hammer time

Dad - "this is only an A and B conversation, you can C you way out of here!"

Plastic explosives.

Plastic explosives.

Plastic explosives

Plastic explosives

Plastic explosives

Plastic explosives.

There was a koi pond. Now 1/4 koi fish in a pond are fake (this is to ensure their safety) each fish is labeled A koi, B koi, C koi, and the fake one is called Decoy

You have A Koi, B Koi, C Koi and the fourth is the D-Koi

there is:

A koi

B koi

C koi and a

decoy

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

I'm missing the iron E.

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

So the A koi, the B koi, and the C koi can escape, because they know the predator will always go after the D koi

Because while A Koi, B Koi and C Koi will get away,the predators will always go for the D Koi.