Why is it cheaper to throw a party at a haunted house?

Because the ghosts bring all the boos!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Til24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
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I was living on a house boat and fell in love with the Girl Next Door.

But Sadly, we drifted apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bak_286
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2021
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What type of pasta do they serve at a haunted house?

Fettuccini Afraido

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catsandlettuce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2021
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When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw a house warming party

Now I'm homeless

πŸ‘︎ 870
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
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What do you call a pirate who builds his own house?

An Arrr-chitect

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrozenPinguin26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2021
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That's a nice house
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2021
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My inflatable house got a puncture last night.

Now, I'm living in a flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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Did you know that cats can jump higher than a house, it’s bc their legs are really powerful..

and also that houses can’t jump

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chevyfan06
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
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My 3 year old's first original joke: How do you move a house without your hands?

WITH A TORNADO

Yeah she watches a lot of Wizard of Oz right now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boopsnoot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
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When a kitchen fixture is delivered to your house, you should ALWAYS allow it to be brought inside.

Just let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whaddayagondo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2021
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When closing on my new house I went to the bank with a sack of feathers...

...but they refused to accept my down payment.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsvk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
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Today, a ring of babysitters was indicted for stealing valuables from the hidden recesses of the houses they worked in

They caught the crooks and nannies that were emptying our nooks and crannies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2021
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It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub, and it’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caleb-the-God
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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How does a ghost unlock his house???

With a spoo-key

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2021
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A teenager drives up to his crush's house the day before school prom and asks if she would like to dance with him.

She excitedly says yes, and the boy spends the entirety of the next day preparing for the big day.

The first thing he does to make it extra fancy is to rent a limousine for a day (yes, he is rich), but when he arrives at the rental center, he notices that many other people had the same idea. There was an enormous line that stretched out the building. Nevertheless, this boy was determined to make this night a special night, and waited for hours. Luckily, he succeeded in the end, and rented a shiny black limo. He was starting to get really excited.

After that, he goes to the tailor to pick up a brand new suit and tie to look as sharp as possible. But once again, the line for that wrapped around the block and forced the boy to wait another long hour. He sighed, but still waited in line, as he was quite persistent and knew it would be well worth it in the end. In the end, though, he got a perfect suit that fit him well. No wrinkles, no nothing; it was just pure handsomeness.

Then, the moment came. In his limousine, he once again drove up to his crush's house, well-dressed in the brand new suit he just bought. She came out looking stunning as well in an aqua dress that sparkled in the evening sunlight. Excited as ever, she leaped into the fancy limo and rode to prom with him, ready for the big night.

When they arrived, however, there was yet another long line into the ballroom, as many people needed to be accepted. It was quite a busy night. After half an hour of waiting, the couple finally made it through and began dancing. It was all going really well, and everyone was having quite a grand time.

A few hours later, they became thirsty and went to get a drink. Both him and his girlfriend were in the mood for fruit punch, but nobody else seemed to want it. When they entered the snack bar, they noticed more long lines of people wanting to get other snacks and drinks, but surprisingly... there was no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiGuy88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
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I just put up a high voltage electrical fence around my house...

But the neighbours are dead set against it...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2021
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What do you call a penguin in the White House?

Lost

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorddoodleflaps84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2021
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What does a house wear?

Address.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinovic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2021
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I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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I got into a really heated argument with my wife while we were moving house.

I managed to smooth things over for now, but there's a lot left to be unpacked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2021
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If I throw a certain type of herb at my wife she instantly walks out the house...

Bay leaves...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2021
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How do you get into a haunted house?

With a spooooooo- key.

πŸ‘»

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovelydoomxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2021
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The city built a roundabout on the route to my parents' house.

It really threw me for a loop.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sikening
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2021
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So I was over at a buddy's house the other day and stepped outside for a moment. While I was out there I pissed off his deck...

I called it a porch and it was none too pleased.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2021
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Puppies were standing in a line near my house...

It was Queuet

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
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What does the carpenter say after he finishes building a house?

Nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_C0mm0ner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2021
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You definitely do not want a bunch of fungus in your house.

There isn't mush room for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2021
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In the UK, what’s a torys favourite room in the house.

The conservatory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeomanroach
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2021
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Hired a handyman to do some odd jobs around the house

He did every other thing on the list

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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A firefighter, his wife, and his kid moved into a new house.

Their neighbor came over and they introduced themselves. β€œI’m Bob, this is my wife Cheryl, and this is arson.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2021
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I’ve been looking for a new tree house

I’m ready to branch out

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benob2007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2021
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The other day, my wife saw a spider in the house and asked me to take it out.

Turns out he's a pretty nice guy when you get to know him. He's a web developer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stea1thFTW18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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My buddy has a cycling group, but they just ride around his house.

It’s called the Tour de Frank’s.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fastestdaveever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
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A niece of mine visited my house that day...

I had niece day!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
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Every morning I leave my house and get hit by a bicycle,

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewjhendrick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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So Dad is getting older and senile and always doing crazy sh1t and we decided to sell the house and put him in a senior center. I came home last night and found an alligator in a cardigan on the kitchen floor. I said dammit Dad! WTH! This crazy stuff is why we are selling the house!

He says "I know, this is the home in-vest-i-gator."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/namocaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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There is a post on the corner of the street by my house that just says, "F*** you."

That's not a good sign.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
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Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ganzhimself
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2021
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When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a house warming party

Now I’m homeless

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R4G3D_Record71
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

However, it’s a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2021
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I used to live on a House Boat....

I fell in love with the girl next door. Sadly we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
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Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course, a house cannot jump.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
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What does a house wear?

Address

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogbob3000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2021
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What does a house wear?

Address

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/USEROUS05
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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