A list of puns related to "8 Guys"
He's lawn gone
He burped 7-Up.
The guy replies, “Why, what happened at 8:30?”
...He burped 7 up
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
I told him 6, I didn't think I could eat 8 slices.
His condition is stable now.
I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Not sure, the guy never told me!
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
“Well, it’s a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York Strip dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.”
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
“Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.”
——— Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
Wonderful guy, terrible cabinet maker.
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
He was known as the fun guy … 🍄
Dude's shredded
Edit: Thanks guys for the awards and upvotes!
They're all packed and ready to go, they're at the gate now, and they're off.
EDIT: Thankyou everyone for getting me through this Friday these puns have been ridiculously on form except the one guy that tried to offer counselling advice on a joke thread 🙈
Please give me the best dad jokes you got
Edit (10/8): WOW. I did not expect to get this many upvotes or awards, let alone this many dad jokes this early. Thank you all for helping me laugh/groan this entire coming weekend. Keep em coming!
Edit 2: 10K???!! I’m at a loss for words guys. Thank you so much for the love and making me laugh and groan my ass off for the next 3 months straight. Let’s make it 4! ♥️
It's the least I could do for the little guy.
The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.
"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout 'Stabbity stab-stab'. Now get moving."
The soldier thinks this is pretty ridiculous, but to his surprise, when he aims his stick at a fellow trainee across the field and shouts "Bangity bang-bang!" the other soldier goes down in a theatrical display. Then, another trainee tries to run past him, so he pokes the guy in the ribs and shouts "Stabbity stab-stab!" and he too goes down, pretending to be dead.
So, the soldier starts running through the mock-battlefield, shouting "Bangity bang-bang" and occasionally "Stabbity-stab-stab", until eventually he realizes he's the last man standing.
He's feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounds a corner and starts walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly.
The soldier takes aim with his stick and shouts, "Bangity-bang-bang!"
But the other soldier doesn't go down this time. He keeps approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground.
The soldier begins to sweat. He clears his throat, adjusts grip on his stick and hollers, "Bangity bang-bang!"
But nothing happens. The other soldier keeps marching toward him.
Now the soldier panics. He pretends to reload his stick and desperately cries out, "Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!"
But to his dismay, nothing works.
Finally, the other soldier reaches him, kicks him in the shin and knocks him onto the ground.
He stands over the fallen soldier and says:
"Tankity tank-tank."
Get a load of this guy
Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man foils their plans.
My dad has type 2 diabetes, and has already had his big toe amputated. He learned today that they're going to amputate the rest of his toes. I need jokes about this to make him laugh. What I've got so far is:
Trimming your toenails will take half the time now.
You're closer to being a pirate than anyone in our family has ever been.
Any other ones you guys can conjure up?
Apparently I was too 'cheerful' when giving out the really bad weather reports!!!
That's it!! No more mist and ice guy.
The company I work for was having their annual Christmas party, but this time on Zoom for obvious reasons, and they asked me to host. I panicked as I had no idea how I would keep the crowds' spirits high. So I came to this sub and used a lot of you guys' dad jokes. Being a dad myself I thought it would work out. And it did! Your jokes killed! I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to all the submissions on this sub. The jokes on here are gold.
Not sure what they were laced with but I’ve been tripping all day
(first post here guys, go easy)
Because it "cost an arm and a leg" to enter one !
------------------------------------------------------
Note: this is first dad joke I write and make ... hope it can put some smiles on some of people faces .. have a good evening guys
PS : in a second thought .. I should had made it " Why snakes can't enter into hospitals in US? " LOL
Some guys with no pants fight for a belt.
Hey guys! I need help coming up with a really great, punny name for my resin art shop. I sell jars, rolling trays, self defense stabbies, and have plans for many more decorative and useful items to be added soon. The only one I could think of that I don't hate is Gnome Depot. But that doesn't really fit very well with resin art/crafts. Any suggestions are appreciated!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, looks him over and says, "I think you have an iron deficiency." "What?" the guy exclaims. "You can tell something like that just from looking at me?" "Yes," the bartender replies. "Your clothes are really wrinkled."
Women would be like, "you're a great guy, and I like you, but not romantically... um, what's the word for that?"
"(Weary sigh) you mean... platonically?"
"Yeah, that."
So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.
He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.
But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.
The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."
So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.
The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.
H
... keep reading on reddit ➡Apparently the first guy to try it mist...
Last night I pulled a classic dad joke on my daughter. Normally this would make anyone groan but because my daughter is cool like me she loved it.
We were studying for her science vocabulary test. When we came to the word “organism”
she said: “Any living thing. Like an animal, plant or fungi”
I said: “You know people think I’m a fun guy (fungi)”
(Pause) she looks at me….
Her: “Oh I get it! “ then we laugh as she explains the joke I made. She’s 9.
Classic… My daughter is going to make a great “dad” one day…
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's new with you?" the bartender asks. "Well I just opened a new casino for dogs. They can play poker, black jack, roulette... almost all the games," the guy says. "They have to go outside for craps, though."
Did you hear about the guy with short-term memory loss?
Did you hear about the guy with short-term memory loss?
...So they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's a temp...
"Where do you guy's stock the he/hims?"
The steaks were high!
*shoutout to the guy who told the high steaks bar joke earlier. It reminded me of this one.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and a burger. "Not eating at home tonight?" the bartender asks. "Well the wife's cooking is incredible," the guy replies. "With a silent 'cr' ."
“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”
“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the bartender asks.
“Im a taxidermist!” The man replies.
“What the hell is that!?” The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously “ I umm, mount dead animals”
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar “ it’s ok fellas, he’s one of us!”
Sorry guys, I gotta squidaddle
The casket falls out then speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the dead guy says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
Just got diagnosed with COVID today - I'll be ok, but it reminded me of this joke.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, I had an interesting drink the other day at that cafe down the street," he tells the bartender. "It was a tea made by steeping a book in hot water." "How was it?" the bartender asks. "It was okay, but I probably won't have it again," the guy says. "It was just a novelty."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "Hot wings! Because everyone loves hot wings," the bartender enthuses. "Seriously, can you name anyone that doesn't love hot wings?" "Icarus," the guy replies.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just put my entire paycheck on a racehorse," he tells the bartender. "You're kidding. What happened?" the bartender asked. "Not much," the guy says. "He just stood there in his stall looking confused."
His condition is now stable.
Great guy, terrible kitchen fitter.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.