8 1 1 Puns

It’s just a way to even the odds.

2 chairs and a half of a fish.

It was an odd party

Because I am an eighth-theist.

"8" key, because it has only 1 star.

1.8 meters - about six feet!

They interrogated him on the number of soldiers in his unit. He lied and said 1. They continued to interrogate him and he again said 1. He later changed his answer to 2, then 3, then 5, then 8, then 13, then 21, and so on. Anyway, long story short, that's where we get the Fibonacci sequence.

Hello, I would like to enlist the dads (or aspiring dads) of this sub. I have been tasked with getting jokes for Christmas crackers but I would like them to be themed. I need 3 jokes for each theam. The theams are as follows :

1. Some simple animal ones

2. Some computer jokes

3. Mum worthy jokes

4. Crochet /knitting ones

5. Really dirty and insulting ones

6. Fishing ones

7. Cheese and cows

8. General jokes (this person is easy going)

They can all be dirty except number 1 (they are a child) but number 5 must really insult and be dirty. They can not be too long but must be groan worthy but still funny.

Thank you for all your help.

I'm thinking of getting a personalized license plate that will cement me as the king of dad jokes:

CUZ 7 8 9

This works in NC because we get 8 characters and a space counts as 1/2 a character

About 4 lbs

Makes you an eighth theist.

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit

So we all know that 7 ate 9 but do you know why?

>!Because they were supposed to eat 3 ² meals a day!!<

Of course 1 wanted revenge for their friends unjust demise and so ate 7.

>!He deamed himself Even after that!<

Four was trying to get in with these “cool kids”

>!But they were just 2²!<

0 really bought themself a new belt.

>!8 was really proud!!<

While the addition and multiplication signs always saw the glass as half full

>!The negative and division sign were always negative!!<

249 and 250 got into a fight…

>!251!!<

They were cooked in Greece.

1.) A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

2.) I use mucho with my Spanish friends.... it means a lot to them.

3.) Q. Why does Michael J Fox make the finest milkshakes? A. He uses the finest ingredients

4.) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

5.) People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

6.) Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

7.) I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

8.) Q. What’s brown and sticky? A. A stick

9.) Q. What’s slippery and a foot long A. A slipper

I’ve got more but I don’t want this post to be too long so I’ll leave it at that. If I get enough upvotes I’ll call up my stepdad for more. Let me know which are you’re favourites.

1. great

2. great

3. great

4. great

5. great

6. great

7. great

8. great

9. great

10. An absolute cracker

1. You catch a carp.

2. You buy a flat board that you can cook the carp on in the oven. Whole carp must fit on board without any of the carp hanging off.

3. Buy a single shingle (a shingle from a roof) and nail the shingle to the board.

4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit.

5. Clean carp and season both carp and shingle board.

6. Place carp on shingle board and place in oven for 45 minutes.

7. Remove carp and shingle board from oven and let cool.

8. Remove carp from shingle board and discard.

9. Eat shingle board because anything tastes better than a carp.

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.

Check out Google's suggestion when you search "anagram"

"Well, let me see. There's Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolf, and ... and... There are only 9 reindeer mentioned in the song."

"Nope. There's 10. You forgot 'Olive'."

"'Olive'? There's not a reindeer named 'Olive'."

"Yes there is. '♫ Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...♫'

#10   Why does a tiger tell the truth? Because he isn't a lion.  #9  If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats!  #8  Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!  #7  What is cleverer than a talking cat? A spelling bee!  #6  What is a cat's favorite TV show? The evening mews!  #5  Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens!  #4  Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.  #3  What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.  #2  What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!  #1  What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big, furry creature that purrs while it sits on you

Because 5 is mean to them

It’s a four-gone conclusion.

No. I am preTENding

I'm an eighth theist

Bill Gates. 1, 3.1, 95, 98, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10, 11.