7 Little Johnstons Puns

but graphing is where I draw the line

Purrrr-ple

I pulled up to the window and the clerk said 7 11

I had to say : "I though this was Dunkin donuts"

I just felt too constricted

The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"

I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

Because one egg is un œuf.

What's a nurse's favorite game?

Peekaboo ICU

Because six, seven eight.

Def Leppard

Does that mean dad's gonna have a semi-colon?

Plane ones.

Wave white flags

My last name is Stone

The odds were against me!

Cz 7 8 9.

But why was 10 afraid?

Because he's in between 9 11

Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big

but the day beforehand is always a sadder day.

I said, "No, it's pretty light. "

Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?

I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "

Because you are supposed to have 3² meals a day.

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

but on the hole, it felt good.

A garbage man was doing the rounds one morning. He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a man sitting on the porch. — G‘man says: “Hey! Where’s ya bin?” Guy: “I’ve been in Florida.” — G‘man: “No, no. I meant where’s ya wheely bin?” Guy: “I’ve really been in jail but I tell everyone I’ve been in Florida.”

Now I'm thinking, "Do dwarves put on clothes differently to the rest of us. "

“Mow money mow problems”

I said, “Sure. But I’m not sure how the little Italian’s family will feel about that.”

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

Take away the s.

... but the moment I take it from the store without paying, I'm a criminal

The college application asked for a small essay.

Because all l'minnows pee.

...

Don't know why this came to me while I was cleaning up after my kids tonight, but there it is.

Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.

A receding hairline

(shoutout to a client of mine who gave me this banger)

They're trained for that!

(Mj)

While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. His mother asks "What on earth are you doing Johnny?"

Johnny replies "The box says that you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken, I am looking for the broken seal."

source

The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

He's definitely more someone who could be described as a consonant professional

Forrest Gumption

That just blew my mind.

It asked if I knew any tunes using the descale.

Because six seven eight.

Yoda: because 9 7 8.

Where do pencils go for vacation?

“Pennsylvania!”