I told her he was just trying to get lucky.
But really, it just smells like teen spirit.
My wife was breastfeeding him during the earthquake.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: "You had twins, a girl and a boy. They're both fine. And your brother named them for you."
Woman: "Oh my, not my brother! No! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?"
Doctor: "Denise."
Woman: "Oh, wow! That's a really pretty name. What about the boy?"
Doctor: deep sigh "Denephew.“
The box says 2 - 4 years.
Where there’s a Will, there’s a Wei.
Because my 3 year old is always on my back.
That’s it... that’s the joke.
He gave me 6 more months
Now I'm stuck here dealing with all this emotional baggage.
It's a running joke.
Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
It's about time.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
She took plea A.
Even though the box said 2-4 years.
Youll be sore-y!!!
That was 6 months ago and I've heard nothing since.
...subpoena colada.
[reposting my OC of 6 months ago]
Looks like 6 more months of COVID
My dad passed away about 3 years ago. Now that I am a dad as well I thought I would pass on his favorite joke, bear with me cuz its long, but worth it...
A poor man who lives in a straw hut wants to to impress his neighbor. So he works for 3 months, enough to buy a fancy chair at the market. He calls his neighbor over for dinner one night and has him sit in the chair at dinner. He asks his neighbor, " isn't this a very nice chair? " To which the neighbor replies "it's okay i guess"...
Heartbroken, after the neighbor leaves, the man takes the chair upstairs and puts it in a closet and thinks.. maybe it was not a nice enough chair...
He then works 6 months, leaves his little straw hut and hitches a ride to the city and buys an extravagant chair with velvet padding. Once again he has his neighbor over for dinner, this time the neighbor says "it's nice, but I've seen better"
Sad, the man stores the chair in the upstairs closet. But the man could not be deterred.
He then worked for an entire year, left his little straw hut and went all the way to the capitol and bought a gaudy, gold painted chair with lion motifs and silk pillows.
The neighbor comes over to dinner and says. "Wow, what an ugly chair!"
Furious, the man grabs the chair, marches upstairs and throws it in the closet with such force that his entire straw hut collapses.
I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...
Lately there's been a trend where people post other useless information along with the joke like "I came up with it yesterday doing whatever" or "my 6 month old child came up with this and I'm so proud". These are pointless info. People also tend to give entire transcript of the IRL events that lead to the joke like "X was doing _ and Y said _ and I said [pun]" You should turn these words into the joke format.
P.S: Don't redundant "Don't kill me" or "I'll see myself out", it's literally the place for bad jokes
I waited 6 months for my second girlfriend.
This time I'm waiting 12, unless he gets out on good behavior.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
- Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
- Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
- Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
- Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
- Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
- Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
- Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
- Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
- Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
- Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
- Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
- Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
- When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
- Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
- Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
- Always go straight home after work or school
- Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
- Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
- Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
First thing, she asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Justine: No, no, no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Justine: Ohh, that’s actually not bad. What about the boy?
Doctor: [sighs deeply] Denephew.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months
They each got 6 months.
It's my longest running joke this year.
Doctor: "You had twins! A boy and a girl and they are both fine. We let the brother name them both for you"
Mother: "Oh shit, he's an idiot! What did he name my baby girl?"
Doctor: "Denise."
Mother: "Oh.. That's not too bad. What is my sons name?"
Doctor: "Denephew"
They each got 6 months.
they each got 6 months
They both got 6 months.
After 6 months, she woke up and asked the doctor about her kids, the doctor said "you had twins and they're both fine". She then asked who names them. The doctor said her brother then the woman started going "No, no, no, no, no, no." The doctor asked what's wrong. The woman said "my brother's an idiot! What'd he name them?" The doctor said "he named the girl Denise. The woman said "oh, that's not bad, what'd he name the boy?" The doctor said "Denephew."
