4 Runner Puns

You're supposed to run until you can't anymore or something like that...? I was thinking of trying one out but honestly I don't know how good I'd do I'm an awful runner...

My friend Tyrell tried one last year and said it was the hardest thing he'd ever done...

I still can't believe Tyrannosaurus

In order to catch its prey it constructed a cunning trap of a grand piano suspended above a target, it then baited the trap with seed and lay in wait for a road runner to pass by.

Very interesting.

Blade Runner

That must be the "Runner's high" I've heard so much about. Didn't seem like anything special to me.

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

• "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
• "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
• "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
• "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
• "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
• "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
• "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
• "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
• "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

They're always in neutral.

P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*

They must’ve been looking for runners.

A Toyota Four-Runner

My wife comments, "She has a big butt for a runner." I follow with, "The short distance runners have bigger butts, the longer distance runners don't. They run their ass off."

What kind of math do birds use?

Owl-gebra

What kind of math does a farmer use?

Cow-culus

What kind of math should you avoid if you have carpal tunnel?

A-wrist-metic

Which mathematical process would you use to find the total amount of chinaware you have?

Ad-dish-on

Which mathematical process would be most commonly found in a 1950's style diner?

Malt-iplication

If one runner on team injured her leg, how would you find out how many can still run?

Sub-track-tion

Rachel 2.0 from Blade Runner 2049 was discarded the moment she became too dull

Disposable Blade

[gun goes off]
[every runner falls over and pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: Annnd the annual Dad 5k is underway...

^^^^^^source

Police say he's done a runner.

we spent the car ride home talking about the famous world runners and their impressive times and such. When we got home my dad said:

Dad: "You know I'm actually a record holder myself"

Me: "Wait really? In what event?"

Dad runs downstairs and comes back up with the biggest grin on his face, and holding a box of vinyl records

Sorry that this isn't a joke itself but my pizza place is making a newsletter and I need to come up with a punny name for it. So far the front runner is MozzarelLA Times

http://imgur.com/f20P0zK

I call it the "Kessel Runner".

My dad and I are watching tv, when a commercial for the Maze Runner movie comes on. While half asleep, he says:

"Does it have anything to do with corn?"

My parents were visiting me, and my mom's been looking at a new vehicle, specifically a Toyota Rav4. As she's not the most tech-savvy, she got one of the paper brochures from the dealership about the features available.

Being marketing literature for a small SUV, there were plenty of pictures of people running, hiking, and being active. My dad looks at it and goes: "so is this the Toyota for runners?" I immediately said "No, that's probably the Toyota 4runner".

My mom cracked up. My dad just groaned.

In the locker room we were talking about marathon runners, and our goalie says: "Yeah those Kenyan's always win, you'd be fast too if there were lions chasing you." To which I replied: "I've never seen a lion on any marathon course." One of our defensemen, who just fathered twins pipes up: "Yeah, but there are plenty of cougars."

My SO and I were trying to decide what movie to go see.

I asked, "is Maze Runner out yet? It looks awesome."

He said, "it looks amazing."

I think he'll be a good dad in a few years.

was over my folks place for breakfast watching tv. the blade runner case came on. there was a big story about it which lead to the debate, did he do it or didn't he do it?

my dad then says "either way, he hasn't got a leg to stand on."

oh god

We were approaching a runner who was running towards us and right as he passed by, both of us thought he smelled strongly of marijuana. My dad said, "He must be on a runner's high."

I was very proud at that moment.

"The picked off Cardinal base runner was in the Wong place at the Wong time."

I started working at a jewelry store two weeks ago. I just turned 24, and one of my new co-workers is about 50 years old and repairs jewelry that customers bring. He is a master of dad jokes.

1. One day, I was windexing our glass displays.

Him: I recently started getting the urge to take my clothes off and run around all over the place. My buddy told me to try drinking Windex. It prevents streaking.

2. Another time, it was almost closing time and we were getting bored.

Him: A man was walking his Great Dane and saw a pub. He said, "I'll go have me a drink or two," and tied the dog up outside.

A little while later another man comes in the pub and says, "Sir, is that your Great Dane out there? My dog just killed it."

"What kind of dog do you have?!"

"Chihuahua."

"You're telling me a chihuahua killed my dog?"

"Yea, he got stuck about right here." grabbing his throat

3. Lastly, we were bored yet again at the end of another day, and he came up to me and another worker and says, "Did one of you lose a big wad of twenty dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?"

We looked at one another confused. "... No."

"Oh, because I had some good news... I found the rubber band." holding up a runner band

I like my new job.

I'm paraphrasing here.

Nick: "Amy, thanks for being so chill with these sketches we've been doing."

Amy: "Oh yea, you didn't know this about me, but I was voted 3rd runner up for most-chill in high school".

Nick: "Oh? Why didn't you win?"

Amy: "Eh. The other guys didn't want it more".