What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, occasionally has 12 letters, always has 6 letters, and never has 5 letters.

But nothing tops a cheese pizza.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAnIdea3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7

But the odds were against them

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?

In charge of scheduling Yoda was.

πŸ‘︎ 600
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdldew
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Lord Nelson was about 5 ft 6 inches, and his statue measures 17 ft 4.

That’s Horatio of about 3 to 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bomtarnes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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Teacher : β€œCan you list the 10 Commandments in any order”

Johnny: β€œ3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly inappropriate position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal... 7 8 9. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows... And promptly solve his problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlJo27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.

It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksplosiveness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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President John Tyler may have been the father of the Dad Joke

Some Background Info

On March 4, 1841, William Henry Harrison became the 9th President of the United States, with John Tyler as his VP. Exactly one month later, Harrison died, leaving Tyler as the 10th President of the United States. Tyler was elected as a Whig, but chose many Democrats to work in his administration, and often made decisions in the Democratic favor. This made the Whig party angry, and while the Democrats liked some of his actions, they didn't love him. At the end of his presidency, the Whigs were not going to support reelection efforts, and the democrats just liked other people more. This earned him the nickname, "The President Without A Party."

The Dad Joke

At the very end of his presidency, Mrs. First Lady wanted to have celebration. She invited lots of people over, and they all had a good time on Tyler's lawn. Tyler stood on his balcony, looking over all the people have a joyous time when he announced, "Never again can anybody say that I was a president without a party!" and giggled his way into retirement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_attack_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2016
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Where is the Heart of Tefiti?

My 4yo son posed this question to his mother yesterday after watching Moana (again). Since he's 4, he slurs the 't' a bit.

I immediately without hesitation or remorse blurt out "In between the Toesies!"

My wife says she'll need therapy and a support group.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capnris
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
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Said this in my friends car, they weren't amused

talking about a tv show

"I've got seasons 1 to 6, do you want them?"

"What about season 3, 4, and 5?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RorariiRS
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
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I visited a sheep farm yesterday and got to watch the collies working-

As the collies brought in a small batch, the farmer turned to me and said "All ten of em, safe and sound, good dogs!"
They sheep were standing in two groups, 4 + 4, and I was like
"But there's only eight of them..."
"Yeah but they got rounded up."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
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I was playing XBox with my kids when it started to get some graphical glitches.

I was player 4, here is a shot of the glitch: Screenshot.

They started laughing hysterically, I said "it is snot funny". The laughter stopped and they all started groaning in unison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbo333
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?

Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anon-Ymous929
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I can list every single number that's in Pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OvertCinnamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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