What do you call a sleepy AndrΓ© 3000?

YawndrΓ© 3000

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πŸ‘€︎ u/offensivecaptcha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Somebody came to me yesterday and said, "You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!"

It was at this point that the Slap-A-Twat Automatic 3000 came into its own!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My Grandpa told the longest buildup to the "dad"-est joke I've ever heard.

So there was a murderer and his name was Ardy. His last name was too long and complicated and everyone knew him in town, so everyone called him "Ardy". One of his buddies asked him to kill this guy for $3000 and after Ardy did a bit of research, he realized he knew him and had a grudge against him for years. So Ardy told the guy: "I hate this guy so much, I'll kill him for free."

Ardy's buddy said "Are you sure? I gotta give you something!"

So Ardy said, "Ok ok. I'll do it for a dollar."

The next morning, the guy was at Meijer (A grocery store) and Ardy came up behind him and choked him with his scarf. When he was done killing him, there was a woman screaming at him to stop. So Ardy had to choke her with his scarf too. After that, he ran to his car and there was an old man watching him, so Ardy went over and choked him too. In the middle of killing the old man, the police pulled up and arrested Ardy. After a bit of interrogation, Ardy admitted to killing all of them, and especially the first guy for only a dollar.

The next morning, the headlines read:

Ardy Chokes 3 for a Dollar at Meijer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legownz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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We were looking at drug prices at work.

Coworker: This is a racket. How do they justify charging an extra $3000 for something like sodium bicarbonate?

Me: Right? It's not like it's some fancy, top-secret compound. It's pretty basic.

My other coworker is a chem major about to enter grad school. He made me go work in the corner for a while after that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C21H27Cl3N2O3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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Got my wife tonight

Who knew you could buy one for only $3000 online?!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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I was so so proud of this one

I'm playing skyrim but I'm too much of a lazy bum to walk/run to my destination so I go into console and type in tcl and just run straight through the clouds to my quest. My friend asks me what I'm doing (he just walked in and isn't looking at me) and I explain that I'm hovering 3000 or so feet above a major city. "Hamza," he asks, "how many drugs are you on?" "Oh, I'm not on drugs. I'm just really high."

It's lame but it's my first one and I'm rather proud of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza78ch11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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