Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What did the Democratic House Representative say when asked how they were feeling today?
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
Why there are less female voters in 2020 elections? Because of....
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 Election
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
Watt is the unit of power?
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
It's an Archie Bunker! I built a replica of the All in the Family house INSIDE a giant basement in the Sims 4.
reddit.com/gallery/mv4w82
You know, the CEO of IKEA was elected the prime minister of Sweden. Wanna know what he’s doing right know?
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
What’s the official bird of 2020?
Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while
Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
What kind of house can you pick up?
A lighthouse
From my 7 year old.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
The United States Postal Service got jokes
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
Having been stuck at home for quarantine, my wife started having this recurring nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it Stalk Home syndrome.
On which side of the earth should you build a house?
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden
He is offering beer and pizza to anyone willing to come over and help him put his cabinet together
Some Italians were throwing small lumps of dough composed of potatoes at my house
I guess they were Gnocching on my door
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden...
How long do you think it will take him to put his cabinet together?
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
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