I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock

At other times i would just crash.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiPaiHongGanLiao
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Someone once told me than 2 in 10 people don't understand fractions

But someone else said it was 1 in 5. So which is it?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Dark jokes my 10 year old hit me with part 2: penguins are alot like kids

Both can fly if you throw them hard enough

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerJoe85
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10...?

steven: even numbers

stephen: ephen numbers

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravireads
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1

It’s a four-gone conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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β€œThink of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply by 7. Add 2. Now close your eyes.”

Dark, isn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Chinese takeout: $10.55. Gas to get there and back: $2.42...

...Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wafflesam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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Last night I slept like a log. 10 hours felt like 2.3
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kcwidman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
In 1998 a balloon cost 2 pence. Today a balloon filled with air will cost you 10 pence.

That's inflation for you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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How many times does 2 go into 10?

It depends on how rich he is.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cajunjon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
🚨︎ report
After the failure of the wii u

Nintendo decided to switch things up

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswagdodo11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Why is β€œdark” spelled with a K and not a C?

Because you can’t C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queencr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I just heard they are making a 10th fast and furious movie.

It’s called fast 10: your seat belts.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayan-ali
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2021
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Ive been waiting all year to post this

This

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evansa1982
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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How to Fall Down the Stairs:

Step 1 Step 2 Step 4 Step 7 Step 10, 14, 19

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klemmquat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2021
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A few to get your Monday going...

Puns for Educated Minds ...

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  1. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  2. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

  3. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  4. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  5. A backward poet writes inverse.

18.. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  1. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  2. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  3. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  1. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  2. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroGeekOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
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What do you say to a slow moving pickup truck?

Pickup the pace.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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For five years, I've been drawing visual pun puzzles and putting them up on Mondays. They're kinda hard but really fun to solve. Here are a few. imgur.com/a/4s6Qf
πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmailbox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Just have to share! Was texting with my friend about his rifles

He told me that with his most accurate rifle/ammo he practices shooting olives at 200 yards away and can usually get 9 out of 10 of them.

I replied, β€œWow, you can hit almost olive them.”

I’m thinking I need to stop with the dad jokes with someone who can shoot olives at 200 yards!!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgold0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
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There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rozen007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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What time is it?

Me: You have to get up.

Wife: Is it 7:30?

Me: The sequel, actually.

Wife: [pauses] 7:32?

Me: Yep.

Wife: I hate you.

πŸ‘︎ 642
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealMattKing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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My friend asked me for a ride to the store today.

I said β€œBro, do you even Lyft?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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My girlfriend is the square root of -100.

She’s a perfect 10, but imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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How does Bill Gates count to ten?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.

πŸ‘︎ 382
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DokCyber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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If 'measuring' was a town, what will be its king called?

The Ruler

Credit to my 10 year old nephew RM

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tufey90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
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A man is walking down the street...

...and as he looks across the road he sees a man with a giant orange head. The man with the giant orange head looks over and smiles, crossing the road to speak to the other man.

"I'm so sorry, "says the first man, "I didn't mean to stare at you!" "It's absolutely fine," says the man with the giant orange head, "Happens all the time. I bet you're wondering how I got this giant orange head." "Well, yes!" replied the first man. "Well...my grandmother died recently. She had been unwell for a long time and basically raised me as my parents had died when I was very young. She raised me alone as my grandfather had died before I was born. We didn't have very much but we were happy. I loved her very much. After her funeral, it was time to clear the house as it was rented and I wanted to move on anyway. I was up in the attic going through her papers and I saw this dusty old lamp. I lifted it, gave it a little rub and there was a huge flash. When I opened my eyes there was a strange looking man. It felt like he looked into my soul. 'I am the genie of the lamp' he said, 'and I grant you three wishes' I didn't believe him at first but deep within me I knew it was true. He asked me what my first wish was and clichΓ©d as it was, I said World Peace."

"Hahaha...how did that work out?" asked the first man.

"Well, " replied the man with the giant orange head, "have you heard of any wars or riots happening in the last few days?"

"Come to think of it, " said the first man, "You're right. The news has been pretty positive! Wow! That's amazing. So what did you choose for your second wish?"

"I gave it a few minutes thought this time " smiled the man with the giant orange head, "and remembering how poor we were, I wished for an unending supply of money."

"Did it work??" asked the first man.

"It did!" replied the man with the giant orange head, "here's Β£10,000 from my pocket. Enjoy it, I've got as much as I want."

"Wow, thank you so much!" said the first man, "that's incredibly generous of you, I don't know what to say! Oh wait! What did you ask for for your third wish?"

"I wished for a giant orange head."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GothamCityCop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2021
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An old dev dies. Now this dev has lead an awful life.....

Lying, stealing etc and thinks they are going to hell. The dev gets to the pearly gates and is met by St Peter...... and their worst fears are confirmed when St Peter pulls out 10 books, all labelled with the devs name.

St Peter says "these books are a record of all the sins you have committed. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

The dev looks down at their feet and says " I did try to be good"

St Peter says "it's ok, you can come in. You've already paid in syntax"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2021
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The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded

That 6 out of 10 people

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beReal78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2021
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Thaw The Meat

Context: every day, after dinner my wife or I move something from the freezer to the fridge to thaw for the next days dinner. On this particular day, I go into the kitchen to look in the fridge but can't find anything already moved over. So I call out to my wife in the other room...

Me: Hey love, did you move anything to the fridge for dinner tomorrow?

Wife: No, I didn't thaw anything.

Me: I didn't thee anything either that'th why I'm athking!

She wouldn't talk to me for the next 10 minutes (which, coincidentally, is about how long it took me to stop laughing)

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exce1siur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2021
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How do you stop a fight between two blind people?

Say "I bet $10 on the one with the knife", and both will run away

πŸ‘︎ 689
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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How many types of people can understand binary jokes

10

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vietlinh12hoa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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Dad is on the bench because of knee surgery….

So I’m at the house pulling weeds on the sidewalk for him (I’m 39, Hes 63), he comes out and checks on me, brings me water. We talk and I point out to him that there has been 3 military bomber style planes pass over the skyline in the last 10 minutes. And I told him I bet there will be another one. He asked me what kind of plane? I told him I don’t know. A bomber. b52. C130. C7. Like that.

Finally, ten minutes pass and sure enough another passes. I point it out and he says

β€œOh that’s a C130”

And I shrug and say β€œyea well, you C130, you’ve seen them all”

And he repeated it while laughing.

So I’ll keep that in my memories for later.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freshchance02
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2021
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After the explosive success of F9 in the Fast And Furious saga, another installment has been announced.

It's called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RileyMacabre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
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How can you tell if a metal singer has Cookie Monster vocals, before they go on stage? Check the tuners on their guitar...

9 times out of 10 they are Grovers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
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A deer was being chased by a lion

The deer was quite fast and maintained about 2 minutes distance from the lion.

After running for about 10 minutes, the deer reaches a pond with a path to the left and a path to the right.

The deer is about to run right when he notices a hippopotamus staring at him. He hastily tells him,"bro, please don't tell the lion that I am going to the right."

The hippopotamus nods in agreement and the deer runs towards the path on the right.

After 2 minutes, the lion reaches the same pond, looks to the path on the left then the right. Perplexed, he sees the hippopotamus staring at him from the pond.

He asks him sternly,"yo,which way did the deer go?" Instantly the hippopotamus replies "he went to the right."

Why does he answer truthfully even though the deer requested him to not do so?

because hips don't lie.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berd_is_the_word
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2021
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Pun enters room and kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJkiller669
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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Dad Awards

Dad Awards

To truly capture the β€œSpirit of the Dad” what are some achievements you think make a True Dad?

  1. β€œFixed it!” - complete an entire home improvement project in a single trip to the hardware/lumber store.

  2. β€œGotcha!” - demonstrate the Dad Reflex by catching a toddler seconds before disaster.

  3. β€œThat’s my boy/girl!” - get in trouble with the SO when your son/daughter picked up a bad habit of yours, or develops your bad sense of humor/pranks.

  4. β€œHere boy!” - develop a stronger bond with the new family pet than any of the kids who wanted it in the first place.

  5. β€œOffice time” - spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from the kids/spouse even though you don’t actually have to go to the bathroom.

  6. β€œBlame it on the dog” - make at least one passenger choke on a fart in the car.

  7. β€œReally?” - have a kid/spouse completely buy in to one of your bad dad jokes. (I had my wife convinced for nearly an hour that the rumble strips on the side of the highway was called the β€œBrailleway” and it was for blind drivers)

  8. β€œBut the kids will love it!” - use the kids as justification to purchase something that you’ve always wanted.

  9. β€œTry it, you’ll like it!” - introduce a kid into your hobby as an excuse to go out more often than the spouse would usually tolerate.

  10. β€œSaved the day!” - prevent a meltdown by fixing the favorite toy that seemed completely destroyed.

  11. β€œAnimal surgeon” - conduct β€˜surgery’ to patch up a favorite stuffed animal.

  12. β€œHere, let me show you” - take over a video game under the guise of showing the kid how to play.

What else can you add to this list?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yanric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
🚨︎ report
If you sat on a trumpet...

You'd be a one-man band!

Courtesy of my 10 year old son.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2021
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Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I just heard they're releasing a 10th Fast and Furious movie.

It's called Fast 10: Your Seatbelts.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamcalifornia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2021
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My girlfriend is a square root of -100

Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

10+10=20 11+11=22

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timetokill87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report

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