I told her she needed to listen to less cardiB and start doing more cardiO
A ***Ska***lar.
I caught him masticating
E-mow
It puts the garb in garbage.
For a closet racist.
Deulce and Bananna
Constantine
She can't even.
They're always arguing over who has the best jeans
After spending a few days at a detective convention, they come home to find their house burned to the ground. "What do you think caused this?" One asked the other. The other just sighed and replied "It was most likely ourson (arson)."
Always rolling their I's instead of their R's.
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
They claim to love shorts but are always seen in pants.
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
That's when I realized it is pointless.
Assaulting a salty teen with saltines
My dad just told me this one- hope you guys liked it 💖
From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.
Peenagers
Because OMG they can’t even.
They are called One Expression
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
They are always bragging about their designer jeans
Because he wanted to make a skate bored!
Because they are in the noughties list.
Because they can't even.
It’s known for fusion cuisine.
Cuz they like can’t even
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Hilfiger something out.
Because they were always Stalin
That's remarkable!
Because they just can't even.
Sticky Notes
Especially when you're a teenage male.
He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.
So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.
Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.
On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!
So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"
So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?
There's no punchline.
This happened today and my son hated it, but it got a great laugh from my wife.
We were talking at lunch today and I asked my son how he felt being taller than his dad now. He said "I don't know". Just like a teenager would.
I told him in full dad joke mode that I was afraid he would be looking down on me now. He then said if you feel that way I will get you a step ladder. I said "that would work but then I would be your step dad!"
"Your son has what we call a lazy eye," said the doctor.
"Oh dear," I answered, "it's obviously spread from the rest of his body."
“It was quite a hectic evening.”
....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
