Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
π︎ 598
π
︎ May 04 2020
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
Julie Andrewsβ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
Dβoh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
β-1 2^3 β Ο
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 31 2020
Why do 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 keep attacking me?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1," his iPad "Titanic 2," and his MacBook "Titanic 3"
I asked him how he came up with those names.
He said, "Because they're all syncing."
π︎ 38
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
Well It's 1 for the Money, 2 For the Show, 3 To Get Ready.....
4 For Sales
5 For Customer Service or
6 to hear these options again
π︎ 371
π
︎ Jan 02 2019
In Jamaica, an Apple pie costs about $2.00, while a Pecan pie costs $2.50 and a Rhubarb pie costs $3.00. In the Bahamas, an Apple pie is $1.50, a Pecan pie is $2.00, and a Rhubarb pie is $2.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
π︎ 77
π
︎ May 28 2019
1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
π︎ 44
π
︎ Apr 16 2019
I want to get my buddy a good present but all I can find is a painting that has a prostitute saying, "1,2,3,4..." and I don't think he'll like it.
But it's the thot that counts.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.
π︎ 85
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
A boy climbed up onto his Dad's shoulders and started reciting numbers "1... 2... 3..." His father said "Hey! What are you doing? Get off of there..."
His son replied "Dad - don't let me down. I'm counting on you."
π︎ 469
π
︎ Apr 17 2018
3 part dad joke - 2 clean, 1 not
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No-eye-deer
Q: What do call a deer with no eye and no legs?
A: Still no-eye-deer
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye, no legs and no penis?
A: Still no-fucking-eye-deer
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
1.Does God exist? 2. Is there all there is to it? 3.
π︎ 24
π
︎ May 31 2018
Iβm so happy, my 3 year old daughter is learning Dad Jokes! Went to our local Zoo today and 1/2 way around there is a cafe so I asked her if she wanted an ice cream... and she said...
I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...
Even better when actually a true story!
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 11 2019
1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.
...and that's my Bucket List.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 29 2018
20 month old dad joked my 3 1/2 year old...
So my oldest was having my youngest say things back to her in the car on the way to daycare this morning. Mostly to be funny - things like booger and toot.
Oldest finally starts trying to have her say a bunch of stuff... Went like this.
Oldest: "ok, say, booger and red and blue and tree and car and boat." Pause, "hey! Say this!"
Youngest: "This!"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 26 2014
3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
π︎ 287
π
︎ May 21 2020
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
π︎ 235
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1
Itβs a four-gone conclusion.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
My dad named his iPhone "Titanic 1", his iPad "Titanic 2", and his iMac "Titanic 3"...
I asked him how he came up with the names and he got all excited and said:
"Because they are all syncing"
Only dad...
π︎ 560
π
︎ Sep 19 2013
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9..9.1...9.2...9.3.. Are you counting?', they asked.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 21 2017
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
