.OOO Puns

A cow with no lips.

Me!

Me tooo!

Meat ooo!

OOO LET THE GODS OUT

Well done, me, well done.

Dad: "No the regular kind."

Because I was tickling his ivories

OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...OOOoooOoOOOooOOooOOOoOOOoOoOO...ooOOOOOoOOOOoOoooOoOoOOOOoooOOOOoOooOoooooOooooo...oOOOOoOOOoOooOOOOoOooOoooooOOOoooooOOoOOoOOoOOOOOoOooooOOOO...oOOoOoOOOOOOOOOOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOooOOOoooooooooo...OOOoOoOoooOooooooOOOOooooOOooooooOoooOooooOooOoOoOoooOOoooOoOoOoooooo...oOOOoooOOooOOooOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOOoOOOOooooOooOooOoooo...OOoOOOoooooOooOOoOOOOOOOOOoOooooOoOOOoOOOOoOooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOoO...oOoOoooOoOOoOoOoOoOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooOoOooOOOoOooOo...

To which the other replied: Shut up, Frank. You're drunk.

So I packed up my stuff and right

He regretted not passing the bar.

http://imgur.com/NkCtk6M

But I'm alright noooooOooOoOOoOOow

safety in numbers

Menards

... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)

Because he was a lil chili

dad: "sweetheart, do you know Spanish singer Julio Iglesias? He said he wanted to have another concert soon, you know! "

mom: "My deaaar, if I say 'Julio', it is pronounced as 'Hulio'. Don't embarrassed me like that ... "

dad: "Ooo ... is that so, ...?"

mom: "Yes, dear. When will the concert be available? "

dad: "It was Hanuari, but it was postponed. Either its Hune or Huly. Lets Watch it! After that, I plan to hump together with him at his room, what do you think?

MgOOO!!!

While she was wearing a Frozen dress and singing something from the soundtrack, she farted. I turned to her and asked, "Was that you?"

She replied, "I let it go."

Dad: What would you like for dinner honey?

Mom: I'll just have a chicken wrap.

Dad: ooo ahh I'm a chicken, yeah that's right I'm a chicken ooo yeah (his chicken rap)

Banana ooo-na-na

Me: "Ooo, the ball just landed in the tall grass."

DH: "Awww, that's rough."

Son: Hey dad, we had a pop quiz today. Me: You had a quiz to see if you know the difference from Dr Pepper and Pepsi?

(If you're not from the Midwest you might not get it)

While chewing something particularly chewy I thought of something I needed to ask my wife. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Drrd ooo rmmbrr oo ak oww drr trrsh?

Wife: What the hell did you just say?

Me: Muffled sigh Chewing Chewing Chewing Hold up index finger to indicate almost done Chewing I said, 'Drrd ooo rmmbrr oo ak oww drr trrsh?'

Wife: Loses will to live.

I have a little bit of stubble, hadn't shaved since about Thursday.

"What's the longest you've gone without shaving?"

"Oh, about fourteen years."

Damn it feels good, people. It feels damn good indeed.

Girlfriend: We should go to a 5 Seconds To Summer concert! [one of her favorite bands]

Me: We're too late. That would've been at 11:55:55 PM last night.

Girlfriend: ... oooOOOHHH because today is the first day of summer on the calendar!

Daughter (exasperated): Dad, it's a metaphor. Me (excited): Ooo. I never met a four. Are they like threes? Daughter: Yeah, just a little bigger.

I am a mail clerk at a huge office. I dropped this while delivering boxes today:

Me: (Knock Knock) Hey Karen, I've got something for you. (Hand her a box.)

Karen: OOO What is it?

Me: Its a box.

Karen: Ughh...

One monkey said "OOO OOO AAH AAH!"

The other said "Why don't you put some more cold water in?"

I'm a server and at my restaurant we have an item called the lox and lox. I'm serving an elderly couple and the wife exclaims "ooo they have loxs!" The husband looks me dead in the eye and says "Does that come with any keys?"

He said it with such a straight face I almost didn't get it. I cracked up while his wife gave a loud sound of exasperation