My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."
There was a worlwide study of bees, and they discovered that the bees from one country consistently tried to enter the hive upside down, and then realizing the mistake, would enter the correct way. What countries bee was this?
The U.S. Bee. (Edit: think computers - not a slag against America)
There I was last night laying bed and looking at the stars, then I thought to myself
Where the hell is my roof?
A lumberjack was cutting down a tree when he heard a groan. He stopped, listened, and thought he heard a voice. “Who’s there?” he asked. “It’s me,” said the tree. “I’m a talking tree.” The lumberjack paused for a moment, contemplating, then swung again with impunity and said…
“If you’re a talking tree, then you should die a log.”
Then there were the two cell towers that fell in love and got married.
The wedding was boring but the reception was fantastic.
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
The Quaranteens
And then there was the fighter pilot who decided he may as well pick up a side hustle aggressively selling stationery...
Because he was already pushing the envelope
Ever have one of those days where everything is going great, and a nice, warm bowl of soup would just be wonderful… but then you find out that there just aren’t ANY crackers to be found? Not in the cupboard, not in the pantry, nowhere at all?
Definitely one of those days where you’re cracker-lacking!
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other “is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?” Then the second one says-
“AAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!”
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, “Wow! That’s a different order of magnitude.”
Saw an accident at a farm and then noticed two young sheep charging there with sirens on their heads.
They were the lamb-ulance
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
and then there was the constipated mathematician...
it's okay though, he worked it out with a pencil
There was a man that wanted to quit his job as a kids party entertainer but kept on procrastinating. Then one day he woke up and said to himself...
No more clowning around
When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
There was a magician that said he could disappear in seconds. He started to count, "Uno, dos..." and then he was gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
[Monster] I got both of the boys last night, said good night and then I told them "don't move, stay very still" I dove to the floor reaching under the bed and pulled out a monster energy drink and told them there was a Monster under their bed.
