I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
I finally got to watch this documentary on herbs and spices
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...
Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Scientists finally had success breeding a donkey and a coyote!
They named it Don Quixote.
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said
Good employees are hard to find nowadays
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
Tootsie Pops finally got into the 21st century and created a Facebook page. With it, they created a new catchphrase.
How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said
Finally finished my book about clocks and what we use them for
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.
They are all laughtose intolerant.
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
I finally made a playlist for hiking. It has music from the peanuts, the cranberries, and Eminem.
They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.
Just dont put it your back pocket.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
When I was little and was asked to recite the alphabet I would always skip one letter. The teacher finally got fed up with me and asked,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
My moment finally came in the dad joke universe, and my teenage son kinda giggled!
My son and I were in Lids picking out a nice hat for a Christmas present. We wanted to see one on the top rack so the employee grabbed her little hook tool to grab it. Well, she dropped it on the floor...
I told my son "I think we can get it for dirty percent off!"
My son smirked and laughed just barely but started saying no dad, just no.
I was pretty proud of myself!
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.
Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there
I've been a lurker here for a while now, and I think I've finally got a nice one for my first post.
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.
It was time to cut the ties.
My dad finally came back from getting his cigarettes after 10 years and immediately started telling me how good I had it
I was like "ok boomerang"
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th?
French guy: Cinq.
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
Made to the beach finally, after months away, and joyously shouted..
..Hey ! Long time no Sea.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I've finally figured out why nobody finds my cheesy jokes and puns funny...
They're all laughtose intolerant
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