I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
βYou wouldnβt get it, itβs Norse codeβ
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︎ Mar 28 2021
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied βwell then it would just be overCOWdedβ
Thanks guys
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 27 2021
I finally got to watch this documentary on herbs and spices
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 17 2021
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
π︎ 121
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...
Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area
π︎ 24
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︎ Apr 07 2021
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
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︎ Apr 09 2021
It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 01 2021
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
π︎ 138
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︎ Jan 24 2021
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my motherβs in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, βBecause your mother is always right.β
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︎ Jan 16 2021
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 29 2020
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
π︎ 38
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︎ Nov 24 2020
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
π︎ 109
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︎ Dec 06 2020
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
π︎ 23
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Scientists finally had success breeding a donkey and a coyote!
They named it Don Quixote.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 03 2020
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 17 2020
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said
Good employees are hard to find nowadays
π︎ 92
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...
π︎ 112
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︎ Jul 05 2020
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Tootsie Pops finally got into the 21st century and created a Facebook page. With it, they created a new catchphrase.
How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 04 2020
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I canβt tell if heβs drawing snakes, mountains, teepeeβs, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 26 2020
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Finally finished my book about clocks and what we use them for
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 12 2020
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.
They are all laughtose intolerant.
π︎ 23
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, βWhat are you going to do when you see it?β
I said, βLetβs cross that bridge when we get there.β
π︎ 8k
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︎ Dec 20 2018
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 22 2020
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 21 2020
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 03 2020
I finally made a playlist for hiking. It has music from the peanuts, the cranberries, and Eminem.
π︎ 34
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︎ Apr 05 2020
They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.
Just dont put it your back pocket.
π︎ 105
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︎ Nov 27 2019
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 18 2020
When I was little and was asked to recite the alphabet I would always skip one letter. The teacher finally got fed up with me and asked,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 11 2019
My moment finally came in the dad joke universe, and my teenage son kinda giggled!
My son and I were in Lids picking out a nice hat for a Christmas present. We wanted to see one on the top rack so the employee grabbed her little hook tool to grab it. Well, she dropped it on the floor...
I told my son "I think we can get it for dirty percent off!"
My son smirked and laughed just barely but started saying no dad, just no.
I was pretty proud of myself!
π︎ 75
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︎ Jul 22 2019
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.
Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 20 2019
I've been a lurker here for a while now, and I think I've finally got a nice one for my first post.
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︎ Oct 14 2017
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.
It was time to cut the ties.
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 30 2019
My dad finally came back from getting his cigarettes after 10 years and immediately started telling me how good I had it
I was like "ok boomerang"
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 23 2019
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th?
French guy: Cinq.
π︎ 56
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︎ May 15 2019
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Made to the beach finally, after months away, and joyously shouted..
..Hey ! Long time no Sea.
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 04 2020
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
π︎ 33
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︎ Oct 23 2019
I've finally figured out why nobody finds my cheesy jokes and puns funny...
They're all laughtose intolerant
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
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