I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:

β€œYou wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”

πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/souphead420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.

In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied β€œwell then it would just be overCOWded”

Thanks guys

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LackingDatSkill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally got to watch this documentary on herbs and spices

It's about thyme

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SexyManBeast999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.

But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...

Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat_mummy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.

He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.

It's about time!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...

"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...

And he said, β€œBecause your mother is always right.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.

"Lettuce handle this"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_eat_crayon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries

free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scopehound
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists finally had success breeding a donkey and a coyote!

They named it Don Quixote.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisisbensmith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad

Me: it was an adjustment

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparxican
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.

He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said

Good employees are hard to find nowadays

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B0GiN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...

Hey ! Long time no sea.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife

My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Tootsie Pops finally got into the 21st century and created a Facebook page. With it, they created a new catchphrase.

How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:

Clock’s a doodled doo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said

Suit yourself

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Finally finished my book about clocks and what we use them for

It’s about time

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skisokay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally figured out why almost no one in my family finds my cheesy jokes and puns good.

They are all laughtose intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.

They loved chalk lit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.

They were releaved.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greedygoyem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.

It was touch and go from there on.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally made a playlist for hiking. It has music from the peanuts, the cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danny_sob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.

Just dont put it your back pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squirrel_MD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was little and was asked to recite the alphabet I would always skip one letter. The teacher finally got fed up with me and asked,

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stayouttamyswamp-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My moment finally came in the dad joke universe, and my teenage son kinda giggled!

My son and I were in Lids picking out a nice hat for a Christmas present. We wanted to see one on the top rack so the employee grabbed her little hook tool to grab it. Well, she dropped it on the floor... I told my son "I think we can get it for dirty percent off!" My son smirked and laughed just barely but started saying no dad, just no. I was pretty proud of myself!

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmuckRunner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.

Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been a lurker here for a while now, and I think I've finally got a nice one for my first post.
πŸ‘︎ 973
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.

It was time to cut the ties.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad finally came back from getting his cigarettes after 10 years and immediately started telling me how good I had it

I was like "ok boomerang"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughperman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.

Her: Where is the 5th?

French guy: Cinq.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?

He was breaking out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Made to the beach finally, after months away, and joyously shouted..

..Hey ! Long time no Sea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I've finally figured out why nobody finds my cheesy jokes and puns funny...

They're all laughtose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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